The Alphabet Story
by gethsemane342
Summary: She tells Elsa that some stories are as easy as ABC. Some are more complex and use up a few more letters. But some ... some are so difficult, they use up all of the letters. But, hey, at least everyone knows how the alphabet ends, right? A story of love, what it is to be wrong and balconies.
1. Prelude - Apathy - Indecent

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Frozen_**

 **Rating:** for implied adult situations.

 **A/n:** I saw a blog post a while ago - I don't recall whose blog - asking why, if Elsa is paired with a woman in a fic, that woman is almost never an OC (usually it's Anna but if not, it's often another Disney woman), when there are a lot of Elsa/Male OC fics. I started wondering how hard it would be to do an Elsa/Female OC fic. Then, because I apparently like to challenge myself for no explicable reason, I decided the story had to be told through alphabetical prompts and interludes. Every prompt except apathy was picked randomly (it originally wasn't going to be random but I got as far as Apathy before changing my mind) and every segment features the prompt word at least once, except for R. Then I decided I might as well put the result up because why not? I mean, by doing an ElsaxOC fic, I've pretty much guaranteed myself no readers and thus no flaming. Genius! There are three chapters which I'll try to update every 1-3 days. Hope you read and enjoy.

The Alphabet Story

 _ **Interval I – Prelude**_

 _Elsa has rarely had the feeling of doing something that feels so right and natural before. But standing here under the stars, with soft lips parting hers and fingers tangled in hair, she starts to realise why other people do this. Why wars have been fought and lost for this._

 _But this isn't the beginning of the story, and all stories must begin somewhere._

 **Apathy**

In the weeks after the Great Thaw, Elsa focuses on two things: (a) restoring Arendelle to economic stability without causing any more damage; and (b) rekindling her relationship with Anna. She's never been one to shy from a challenge, and certainly not from duty, but it's difficult. People want quick and easy fixes; there are gaps between her and Anna that may never be filled. On some days, she convinces herself that nothing will ever be fixed and that it's her fault. Those are the days which bring Anna closer to her but push her further from Arendelle.

One day – one of her good days – maybe four or five months after the Great Thaw, she receives a missive from a nearby country asking if she would be open to negotiating a betrothal with one of their princes. She considers accepting but it's too early to bring in an unknown factor. Certainly not after Hans. So with a confidence that she's only now beginning discovering she has, she tells her ministers that and writes the refusal herself.

When she tells Anna about it, Anna says, "Good for you. You don't need a man in here telling you what to do!" She pauses before grinning at Elsa. "But didn't you at least wanna meet him? You know, to see if he's cute?"

"I wouldn't want to give in to temptation," Elsa says but it feels hollow. The truth is that until this letter, she's not thought about the possibility of marriage – and she can't summon up any excitement now that she _is_ thinking about it. Not even after seeing how happy Anna is with Kristoff. The thought of tethering herself to a man, discussing everything with him, _feeling_ all of that just doesn't feel right. She thinks that the _feeling_ might be what scares her the most – she can love Anna easily because everything she's done, she's done for Anna. But the kind of love that marriage requires just seems too much…

Anyway. That's probably another thing she quashed growing up. One day, she'll have to be rid of this apathy, the same way she's had to rid herself of apathy in other areas. But slowly. Carefully. That's how she's taking each day and it's not as though she doesn't have time.

 **Beholder**

But as time goes on, she starts to think that maybe it _would_ be nice to have someone to team up with. Someone to hold her and tell her she's beautiful. Someone to laugh or argue with, to be loud when she is quiet and silly when she is sensible. Someone who would make her happy. Someone she could grow old with.

She receives her share of proposals, of course. Her advisers start to suggest she meet the young men. She could cement alliances they say, but she can hear in some of their voices that they think it might bring her happiness. For that, she loves them.

With her own curiosity pushing her, she starts to look into the matter but slowly, carefully. She meets young men in the form of nobles and princes and servants and soldiers. She eats with them, talks with them, dances with them. She laughs and walks with them. She asks them questions and nods at their answers.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder but her eye must be broken because she sees men who are tall and striking; small and spindly; fat; thin; handsome; ugly; men who make her laugh; men who make her angry … but no matter how hard she looks, no matter how much she listens or talks or laughs or just _tries_ , she looks at all of these men and sees … men. No more or less appealing than anyone else.

"I wouldn't worry so much, Elsa," Anna says one evening, in response to the comment Elsa does not make. "You're the kinda person whose husband's gonna be totally unexpected. You don't look for love. It finds you."

It's such a move from the girl who once tried to marry a man she'd just met that Elsa feels herself calming again. Anna's right. She just needs _time_.

 **Confident**

Frentis and Arendelle exchange diplomats a few years after the Great Thaw as a sign of good future relations. The countries border each other but it's the gesture that counts in politics. Elsa likes the idea, not least because Frentis is one of the few countries who hasn't asked to marry her to someone.

Lord Absalom Laukkanen brings his family with him to their first meeting. They're all to live in Arendelle so she doesn't suppose she minds – she'll have to meet them eventually. His wife, Lady Maja Laukkanen, walks with the same authoritative air as Absalom, which surprises Elsa. Their children are twins, both around Elsa's age. Kedar is tall, with his father's dark hair but his mother's strong chin. When he smiles at her, there is a twinkle in his eyes, and his lips are soft when they kiss the back of her hand.

Kyra is shorter than her brother – maybe a little shorter than Elsa – with black, curling hair falling past her shoulders. Her lips are red and vibrant against pale skin; her brown eyes share her brother's twinkle. When she curtseys – with a certain amount of grace – she does so with a confident smile. Elsa feels her stomach tighten and, for a moment, she loses track of what Absalom is saying.

She's had this feeling once or twice before. A sudden shortness of breath, an intense awareness of how close she is to people, and how she looks. A lack of words. She's never been able to work out what it is. She asked Anna once, safe in the knowledge that Anna will never laugh at Elsa for her questions about feelings, but she only smiled and said, "It sounds like you've got a crush. Who's the lucky guy?"

But there is no lucky guy. Elsa doesn't recall ever connecting this feeling with a man – is sure, in fact, that on one occasion there were no men nearby – so it must be something else. A side-effect, perhaps, of her childhood.

She makes herself focus on Absalom, nodding along. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Kyra smirk and somehow, that makes her smile again. Smirking looks good on Kyra.

 **Delicacy**

At the dinner to welcome the Laukkanen family, she sits next to Absalom all night. He's a serious man and most of their conversation is about his home country, what he hopes to achieve in Arendelle, and what she hopes to achieve in Frentis. When she asks about his family, he makes some suggestion that he is hoping for his children to marry here, and so cement the bond between their countries further.

Once the food is finished, there is music. Kedar invites her to dance with him. He's a good dancer and easy to talk to, with little of his father's seriousness. She can't help wondering whether Absalom hopes that she will marry him but she's probably reading too much into his dinnertime conversation. She supposes Kedar _is_ handsome, in a way. And nice enough.

After a few more dances (including another with Kedar), she heads to a nearby balcony for some fresh air, only to find there's someone already there. For a few seconds, the sight of Kyra Laukkanen eating krumkake on a balcony during a party is so startling that Elsa can only stare. Kyra pauses mid-chew and then swallows guiltily.

"It's good," she says by way of explanation. Her voice is accented, low and mellow, and it gives Elsa a strange feeling. "Your Majesty," she adds. Then, seemingly remembering herself, she hurriedly stands and curtseys. Her dress is tight against her, outlining her curves.

"Tha- that's OK," Elsa says, and coughs, fighting an urge to straighten her own dress. "It's a delicacy and, uh, deserves to be eaten." She coughs again. She's gotten over this. She's supposed to be over this. "Lady Laukkanen, may I ask why you're eating krumkake on a balcony by yourself?"

Kyra shivers. "Please, just call me Kyra. I'm no lady. Uh, your Majesty." She smiles that confident smile from their first meeting but there's a tinge of unease. "I suppose because I've never had the chance to eat krumkake on a castle balcony under the stars before."

Elsa blinks. "I guess I can see that," she says slowly, "but surely there are a lot of things you haven't done on a castle balcony before that you aren't doing now?"

"True," Kyra says, and takes a final bite of krumkake. "But who says I'm notabout to do them?"

"You'd really rather sit on a balcony than attend a dance that's being held in your honour?"

She's asking out of genuine curiosity but Kyra flinches and swallows. "I'm sorry, your Majesty," she says and the confidence slips from her smile. "I'm being terribly rude." She glances at the ballroom. "The truth is that if I go in there now, a few men will ask me to dance out of politeness to you or my father, not because it's me. After tonight…" She shrugs. "These events are boring when all you do is sit at the side and watch. I thought I'd get it out of the way now."

Elsa stares at her for a few seconds. "You're not hoping to follow your father into diplomacy, are you?"

"No," Kyra says and then grins. It still has that tint of uneasiness. "I know: I'd be terrible at it. Kedar always says that." She pauses. "You, uh, you don't really care, do you? Your Majesty. I'm sorry, I-"

Elsa holds one hand up. "You might as well call me Elsa," she says. "Otherwise all of our conversations will stop every few minutes when you forget I'm the Queen."

"Sorry. I … you caught me off guard, your … uh, Elsa."

"That's OK." She looks at Kyra and smiles. The more she speaks to her, the more she likes her. "Have you met my sister and her betrothed? I think you'd get on." Seeing Kyra's quizzical look, she explains, "My sister tends to speak without thinking while her betrothed hates formal events. In fact, I believe it's his mother's birthday for the second time this year, and that's why he isn't here."

Kyra laughs. It's full and throaty, a proper laugh from the diaphragm, and Elsa loves it. "I'll have to remember that … uh, at an event that isn't being hosted by you, of course."

"It's my country. I think they're all indirectly hosted by me."

"Even any which are about overthrowing you?" When Elsa stares, Kyra blinks. "That, uh … that wasn't a declaration of war." She looks at her hands. "My father is going to kill me if I've just declared war on Arendelle."

"It's OK. I'll accept your unconditional surrender."

"I can't surrender either. My _mother_ will kill me if I start a war and then lose it."

Elsa laughs again. She can't help it – there's something about Kyra that's just inherently likeable, she thinks. Maybe it's her complete lack of tact, or the way she smiles, or just how friendly and familiar she sounds. Maybe it's how Elsa hasn't nearly made ice or snow, or how she's not usually so calm and relaxed around strangers this quickly. Well, almost calm and relaxed anyway.

She should go back in but Kyra gives her a crooked grin and she tells herself, just five more minutes.

Anna finds her an hour and a half later and drags her by her arm back into the hall, shouting an apology at Kyra. Apparently everyone's been waiting for Elsa to give the closing speech for forty minutes.

 **Existent**

"You're quiet today. Quieter than usual. I mean, that's not hard, 'cause it's you. Not that you're not, you know, chatty, but…"

"Just thinking."

"Is he handsome?"

"Who?"

"The man you're thinking about?"

"I'm not thinking about a man."

"Uh huh, sure. The wall's just that wonderful." Anna pushes Elsa's shoulder gently. "I bet it's Kedar Laukkanen. You're always together at parties and stuff and he always asks you to dance first. And you spend loads of time talking to him, even if his sister is usually hanging around." When Elsa doesn't reply, Anna says, "It's not a _bad_ thing, you know. If he makes you feel alive and happy then you should spend time with him. He's not bad looking either."

Elsa smiles because she doesn't want to tell Anna the truth. She does like Kedar. But she doesn't know that she always feels alive with him. A lot of the time, she feels more … existent.

No, that's too harsh. She feels happy with him. He makes her laugh and he's nice. And sometimes she does have that alive feeling but only when Kyra is there. There's just something about Kyra that makes her want to-

"Either way," Elsa says, still smiling, trying to push that thought out of her mind, "I was thinking about something else."

"A _part_ of Kedar?"

"Oh, shut up," Elsa says, and lightly shoves Anna.

 **Fighting**

She is walking through the city with Anna, Kristoff and what feels like half of the Arendelle army – which is ridiculous because she's already proven she could kill the entire country if she feels like it (Anna freezing, people dying, and she can only be this humorously angry about it when it's daylight and she can easily distract herself) – when they hear the commotion. Everyone moves out of their way as they march forwards.

Two men are fighting. As Elsa arrives, a guard grabs one of the men and restrains him. The other man looks as though he may lunge anyway.

" _What_ is going on here?" Elsa asks in that cold voice she's used so rarely since she was twenty-one. People turn to look at her. "Can someone please explain why two men are brawling like children?"

She assumes like children anyway. It's not as though she's had many to watch.

It turns out the fight was about one man feeling cheated about a trade of something or other for a substance that is illegal, but commonly used. When she points out that it's illegal, the man actually blushes. She orders them both to be taken to the cells to cool down and be dealt with in accordance with the law, stuffing her hands behind her back because the skin on her palms is at that worrying temperature that means she's on the verge of making ice.

As the crowd disperses, a young man and woman approach her. The soldiers hesitate before letting them through. The man bows and the woman curtseys.

"Hello, your Majesty," Kedar says in his amused, easy-going drawl. Kyra said once that if Kedar were any more laidback, he would be almost horizontal. Kyra doesn't view herself as laidback, but she is. Just not in the same way he is. "Does that sort of thing happen often to you?"

When she looks at him, she sees that he's grinning in the same way his sister is, although it looks a little goofy on him. But then, most things look better on Kyra. "Occasionally," she says, which is true. She'd much rather not intervene in fights if she can help it. She doesn't want people to associate her with violence. "What brings you two out here?"

Kedar shrugs. "We wanted to look around properly. You get a feel for a city when you walk around it yourself, don't you think?"

She has no idea. The only times she's been to other cities, she's been accompanied.

"What Kedar _means_ ," Kyra says, "is that our mother told us to make friends with Baron Anker but Kedar finds him boring and he wants to kiss me so we ran for it."

" _Kyra_ ," Kedar says, looking sharply at his sister. Then he shrugs and smiles. "Actually, she's right. Unless you're fond of Baron Anker, in which case she isn't."

Elsa laughs. She's spent a lot of time with Kedar and Kyra – more than she would normally spend with any noble – but it's partly because she _likes_ them. They're friendly and funny. She knows that Kedar sometimes assists his father with managing their land in Frentis and is actually quite studious when it comes to it. Kyra is learning to be a lady which, in her words, involves a lot of sitting around, stumbling over her own feet and then sneaking off to help her brother. Kyra is the more serious – and cynical – of the two, except when it comes to decorum. Kedar tends to speak as though he's hiding something that amuses him whereas Kyra's just blunt. It's often easier to speak to Kyra – at least you know where you are with her and she's someone who doesn't always need to fill silence. Someone you can be comfortable with.

"I don't dislike Baron Anker," Elsa says, "but I won't hold it against you."

She wants to ask about Baron Anker kissing Kyra but she can't think of a subtle way to do it. It isn't her business anyway.

"So," Kedar says, "why are your hands behind your back?"

She'd forgotten about that but now that he's called attention to it she can feel ice play over her hands. She entwines her fingers together, forcing herself to be _normal_. When a small hand slips onto her shoulder, she looks gratefully at her sister. Anna always, _always_ knows how to calm Elsa. Sometimes, it feels as though the thirteen years of isolation never happened.

Kyra sticks her own hands behind her back. "It feels quite comfortable actually. Makes you look regal too. Probably a good effect if you want to stop fights."

Kyra is looking directly at Elsa as Kedar says, "It does feel quite comfy. Although I feel like a bird."

Anna laughs but when Elsa looks at her, she is watching Elsa with concerned eyes. She tilts her head a fraction, and Elsa nods. She places her arms by her side and Anna relaxes slightly.

Sometimes, it hurts to see Anna acting so seriously and grown-up.

"We should get going," Kristoff says, "unless you're all planning on flying away?" Anna shoves him as Elsa smiles, but she feels a pang of disappointment. She likes talking to Kyra and Kedar. They're two of the only people she knows who don't treat her like the Queen.

"Yeah, c'mon Elsa."

"Coming. It was lovely to see both of you," she says to Kyra and Kedar, and starts to walk before anyone can say anything to tempt her to stay.

 **Gravy**

Lady Maja Laukkanen celebrates her birthday four and a half months after the Laukkanens arrive in Arendelle. Naturally, Elsa is invited to the party, and naturally she accepts, lest she offend Frentis.

She is given a place at the Laukkanen's table between Kedar and Absalom. Kyra sits further down the table, next to Baron Anker. Kyra sees her watching and pulls a face when Baron Anker isn't looking, making Elsa grin.

The evening passes pleasantly enough – Absalom is still strict and a little humourless but he's nice enough. He seems content to let Kedar talk to her, which she prefers, although it's not quite the same without Kyra. Without Kyra, Kedar is mainly good humour and charming comments.

During the main course, Elsa accidentally knocks gravy onto her dress. Excusing herself from the table, she heads to the nearest lavatory to wipe it off, secretly wishing she had chosen to wear an ice dress. After a few minutes of wiping, the door opens. She turns to see Kyra with her jaw clenched and eyes angry.

"Kyra?"

Kyra whirls and, after a few seconds, relaxes. Her dress is bright white, a sharp contrast to her hair, which still cascades down her shoulders, curls spilling over seams. Elsa can just about catch a trace of perfume.

"Hi, Elsa."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Kyra pauses. "If I were to murder Baron Anker, what would happen to me?"

"That's an interesting question actually. You're the daughter of a diplomat. Your father would have diplomatic immunity, so all I could do is expel him, but the question is whether you're also here in a diplomatic capacity. I suppose…" She pauses when she sees Kyra's expression. "That was a hypothetical question, wasn't it?"

"No, no, I really am planning to murder one of your nobles and thought the best way to go about it would be to confess to you." Her eyes are laughing. Elsa likes that about her, likes how casual Kyra is with her, despite the difference in rank. Even Kedar can't manage that. "I take it your advice is not to do it?"

"I'd rather you didn't, yes."

Kyra nods and goes to splash some water on her face. She brushes by Elsa as she does so, fingertips lightly tracing a brief path over Elsa's wrist. Elsa doesn't jump but only through sheer self-control. Kyra's done this a few times over the last few weeks – occasionally even patting Elsa's arm or shoulder – and Elsa's only accidentally iced something twice.

Kedar sometimes escorts Elsa somewhere, arm in arm, and Elsa's not nearly iced anything.

"He just … I know Mother thinks he'd be a good match for me but Kedar's right. He's so _boring_. And … I don't know. I just don't … feel anything, you know?" She sighs, something Kyra rarely does. "Ignore me. I'm being difficult. I'm always difficult. That's what my mother says."

"Difficult?"

"I antagonise all of the young men my parents bring to court me, apparently. I'm too cheeky and not demure, and Kedar encourages me too much. I should sit still, learn to sew and shut up."

"But that's not you at all," Elsa says, trying desperately to think of words to cheer her up. She needs Anna. Anna's good at things like that.

"I _know_ ," Kyra says. "That's the problem." But she's smiling now and Elsa's heart lifts slightly. Kyra looks best when she smiles.

"I mean you're fine as you are. Great. I like you _because_ you're you."

Kyra laughs now. "You sound like your sister. But she's always saying what she thinks so I'll take it as a compliment." As Elsa blushes, Kyra adds, "You're lucky, you know, getting to pick your husband. And not that I'm saying anything, but you _do_ spend a lot of time with my brother – he'd be happy to let you be you. He hasn't got enough mean in him to do anything else."

"I don't spend that much time with him."

"More than you spend with our father."

"Well, yes, but you're usually there as well. I just like both of your company. In fact, I probably spend _more_ time with you than I do with Kedar."

Kyra starts to smirk then pauses. After a few seconds, she says, "You and he don't do much alone?" Before Elsa can respond, she says, "I suppose it wouldn't be proper." She grins but this one has more uneasiness than confidence. "Maybe I'm too good at being a chaperone."

Elsa doesn't know how to respond to that. Kedar _is_ attempting to court her although she doesn't think she likes him that way. Maybe she's expecting too much from this. She has to like at least one of the men she meets otherwise … otherwise …anyway, why _can't_ it be Kedar?

 _It would mean you'd still see Kyra_ , a little voice whispers to her, but that's not a good reason.

"Can't you tell your mother that Baron Anker is boring?" she says, trying to banish those thoughts. "We have more interesting men in Arendelle. Viscount Semund can be quite amusing, you know. Or I could ask Anna to look. She and Kristoff have a habit of meeting all kinds of unusual people."

"I could tell her but … could you help me maybe? Think of the words to say to her? You're better at stuff like that than I am."

"Nearest balcony during the dancing? I think Olaf might be guarding it for us."

Kyra smiles. "You know me too well." She suddenly wraps her arms around Elsa. "Thanks, Elsa."

Elsa hesitantly wraps her own arms around Kyra. She's not as skinny as Elsa thought she was – in fact, there's a nice fullness to her body – and her hair has a pleasantly smoky smell. She should say something like _you're welcome_ but all she can think is that Kyra is still holding her and if she were to move her hands lower-

"Hey, Elsa, are you ever … hi, guys." She and Kyra spring apart as Anna walks in. Anna gives them an odd look. "Kyra's father was wondering if you were OK. Oh, and Baron Anker's wondering if _you're_ OK, Kyra. So I got sent to look for both of you as I'm a common link apparently, whatever _that_ means." She pauses. "Was I, uh, interrupting something?"

Elsa glances at Kyra, whose cheeks are oddly flushed. "No," she says in as non-strangled a voice as she can manage. "We lost track of time. I'm coming."

 **Heavyset**

They are sitting together in one of the gardens one evening, watching the sunset, when Kyra suddenly says, "So what kind of man do you like, if not my brother?"

"I didn't say I don't like your brother," Elsa says. In fact, she's spending more time with him these days. She knows the rumours going around but hasn't done much to discourage them. There _are_ worse people to marry than Kedar Laukkanen – it would finalise a strong alliance, apart from anything else. And she _must_ like him. He looks good, he's funny, he's smart, he's nice, he's charming. She likes being with him so what else is she expecting?

( _Sparks_ , a part of her whispers, _warmth when he brushes by you. Like when-_ )

"Good luck trying to find out," Anna – who has joined them – says. "I've been trying for years."

"I bet I can guess," Kyra says. She peers at Elsa, who tries not to blush. "Big, muscly, heavyset. Am I right?"

Anna snorts. "Wrong sister. That's blatantly me. Have you _seen_ Kristoff?"

"I don't think we want to know how _much_ of Kristoff you've seen," Elsa says sternly. Anna only laughs and rests a head on Elsa's shoulder. It's moments like these that make Elsa think she and Anna have come a long way in three and a half years.

"It's a pity Kristoff doesn't have any human siblings," Anna muses.

"Human?"

"Long story."

"OK." Kyra looks at Elsa. "You still haven't answered, you know."

"I'm the Queen. I don't have to." Kyra looks a little hurt and Elsa feels guilty. By now, it's well known that Kyra is one of Elsa's favoured nobles – despite being the daughter of a foreign diplomat – but people don't know how close they have become. Elsa sometimes wonders if they're only this close because she's the first person outside Anna and Kristoff to like her for her. "I don't know," she says. "Slim, maybe. Definitely not big and strong – muscles make me think of being crushed. And graceful, I guess with dark hair and…" She cuts herself off because the image in her head that she's describing, rather weirdly, is-

"So you _do_ like my brother."

She blinks. Everything she's said _does_ describe Kedar. "Oh. Um … wait, I never said I didn't."

Anna only stares at Kyra. "How'd you do that? I've been trying for years. You've _gotta_ tell me your secrets. Or maybe Elsa loves you more than me."

Elsa nearly chokes on that but Kyra only laughs and says, "You just need to have no tact whatsoever. I don't know why but that works wonders on your sister." She leans over and ruffles Elsa's hair, letting her hand trail down Elsa's back which makes not choking even harder.

"But I _don't_ have any tact," Anna says, oblivious to Elsa's choking problems.

"It's true," Elsa gets out, feeling absurdly pleased that she managed it. Anna pretends to hit her, before tickling her. Soon enough, they're all laughing and the conversation is forgotten.

 **Indecent**

Kedar invites her to walk with him one evening. Their conversation is light and easy, although he seems nervous about something. Unusually so for him – when Kyra isn't around, he becomes even less sensible than usual.

They are talking about his family's life in Arendelle compared to Frentis, when he says, "Kyra's much happier here. But I worry about her."

"Why?" she asks, startled, because Kedar does not worry about much at all.

He seems to be considering whether to say anything.

"Because she's fallen in love."

It takes all of her self-control not to freeze something. She can feel ice building at her fingertips and clenches her fists as she says, in as neutral a voice as she can manage, "Has she? She's not said anything to me. So, who is the lucky man? It's not Baron Anker, is it?"

Kedar's lips quirk for a second. "She hasn't told me either but I can tell. We _are_ twins. As for _who_ she's in love with … I don't think I can say. But it won't end well." His expression turns unusually serious. "I suppose it would make her happy though."

Elsa doesn't know what to say, though she's almost burning with her questions. Should she confront Kyra the next time they meet? But if Kyra wanted her to know, surely she would have said?

Kedar changes the subject and for an hour or so, she thinks that's the end of that. But as they reach the top of the hill they've been climbing, he says, "You know, I've never had any luck with women."

She frowns. "Oh. I'm, um, sorry to hear that."

He's looking into the distance rather than at her. "Either I fall hard for them and they break my heart in cruel ways or … I just don't like them that much. Usually the former. My parents tell me I'm too nice and that I expect too. But I want to marry someone I love, and someone who loves me. It's not too much to ask, is it?"

"I suppose not. If your parents are happy with it … well. I don't know. I have … I _should_ marry for Arendelle so…" She shrugs. "I suppose it's a freedom I don't have. But Anna has that freedom so why shouldn't you?"

He smiles. "See, this is _exactly_ why you're my kind of queen."

"Were you on good terms with the Frentish queen?"

He laughs. "No." He looks at her for a few seconds and then says, "But I've gotten pretty good at working things out and … I don't think we should court."

"What?"

He looks at her, and there's none of his easy-going humour in his face. "I think you're great but you don't feel the same about me, do you?"

"That's not true," she says immediately. "I like you. You're kind, you're funny, you're-"

"Not the person you have feelings for. That's someone else."

"Like who? I've barely seen any other men except you outside an official context," she says, though her heart begins to hammer. He can't possibly know… There's nothing to know… He's just-

"Maybe a better way to put it is: if we got married, would it just be because we'd make a good alliance and I'm tolerable?"

"Kedar-"

He nods. "I'm sorry, Elsa but I … I don't want both of us to be miserable, pretending we're more than friends. Pretending you don't want someone else. I have the freedom to choose, even if you don't."

"Kedar, I don't-"

"Really?"

They lock eyes. She should say yes.

He nods again. "Well, now that I've offended you by breaking off this courtship, do I get executed?" Now some of his smile creeps onto his face. "Could it be by being turned into a snowman? I kind of envy Olaf, you know."

She snorts, despite herself. "Well, that escalated quickly. No, no executions for me. Thank you for being so honest with me." She feels like she should say more but she doesn't know what. If she _felt_ something more than alarm, maybe she'd know what to say. Why _doesn't_ she feel anything more? "I don't know that we ever were really courting so I don't know that we need to announce it."

"Speak for yourself – _I_ have to tell my parents. My mother will be so upset – she _really_ wanted me to marry you."

"I should probably mention it to Anna."

"We can swap if you want."

She's heard plenty of things about Maja Laukkanen but has only had a handful of conversations with her. "No, thanks. Anna's easier to deal with."

"Thought so." He stretches and looks around. "Guess I should be going. I … we can still be friends, can't we? Maybe I'm wrong but I don't think you're heartbroken about this."

"I'd like it if we were friends," she says.

"Good. Given how much time you spend with my sister, it would have been awkward." He starts to walk away but then pauses. "El … your Majesty?"

"Hmm?"

"The law on same sex relations here … it's illegal, isn't it?"

"Huh? Yes. Why? Is that the _real_ reason you don't want us to court?"

"No, I just… Hmm." He considers her carefully. "It's not my place to say… But … you might want to bear in mind that it's illegal in Frentis too."

"What? Why?"

He grins slightly. "Like I said, your Majesty. My sister's fallen in love with someone indecent."

And before she can say anything, he walks away.


	2. Jewel - Release

**Disclaimer: I don't own _Frozen_**

 **A/n:** Well, here's part two. It is longer than part one but hopefully not badly so. It also marks the end of the not too hard prompts so enjoy it while it lasts! Hope you enjoy and thanks for reading along.

 _ **Interval II**_

 _For a moment, she doesn't know what to do. These trees, which have always felt so friendly, are suddenly hostile. She can't even get rid of the ice that snakes up tree trunks. After a few seconds, she sinks to the floor, leans back against the ice, and tries to work out where in the alphabet story she was before this._

 **Jewel**

In the days afterwards, she stays away from Kyra. She can't put her finger on why. It's _not_ because Kyra's fallen in love with someone because that's _good_. Kyra _deserves_ love. She _should_ have a happy ending. If that's what love is to her. And it's _not_ because she got the impression that Kedar was hinting at more than Kyra's relationship with this mystery man because Elsa likes … it's _not_ because of that. That's Elsa's overactive imagination. Kyra's her friend.

Though why he mentioned same-sex relations is still a mystery. He wouldn't make those implications about Kyra. Nobody would do that to their own sister.

It's because Kyra didn't tell her, she decides. Kyra often asked Elsa about her relationship with Kedar so surely she should have told Elsa about her mysterious man – she doesn't like to talk about herself much past self-deprecating humour but this time, she should have said. It's only fair.

Olaf and Anna try to coax her out of her bad mood – even going so far as to bake a cake that is apparently shaped like a diamond ("We'd have gotten you a proper jewel but you just make your own ice versions." "It's a square, Anna." "But a really _nice_ square.") – but it doesn't work. She's filled with this strange anger and the only place she can really let it out is in her room, coating her floor and table with ice and snow and wind.

But it's OK, because everyone thinks she's upset about Kedar.

 **Knuckle**

Until one day, Kyra seeks an audience with her, solely to ask why she's avoiding her.

"I'm not avoiding you," Elsa says, trying not to look at her or the skin between her neck and the dress on her shoulder, and _especially_ trying not to adjust her dress. Something about Kyra always makes her conscious of her appearance. "I've been busy lately."

"Is it because of my brother? Because I thought that was just between you two. And he said you were still friends."

"It's not to do with your brother. I've just been busy. I _am_ the Queen."

"I know but I … I got used to you." She pulls a face at this admission. "Don't get me wrong, other people here are nice but they're just not _you_. I don't mean that they're not queens. I don't really care about that. Except when my parents tell me to."

Elsa laughs before she can stop herself. Kyra grins and when she smiles, Elsa feels that familiar swooping sensation.

She misses Kyra.

And she knows all too well what happens when you keep secrets from someone.

"Kyra," she says before pausing. "I … your brother mentioned that you've found someone. A man, I mean. I was just … hurt, I suppose, that you didn't mention it. But if you didn't want to te-"

"What are you on about? The _only_ man who's shown the slightest bit of interest in me is Baron Anker, and I was ready to emigrate to the Southern Isles if I had to keep speaking to _him_." Kyra stares at her but there's something fearful in that stare. "There isn't a man. It's just Kedar trying to be mysterious."

 _My sister's fallen in love with someone indecent._

"If you say so," Elsa says. "But you … you know you could tell me if there was, right?"

"I know. In fact, if ever I decide to unveil my feelings to someone, I promise you'll be the first to hear about it. But right now, there is no man." Kyra's eyes look down to Elsa's sides, where her hands are clenched into fists. "You … you really were upset about it, weren't you?" she says with some surprise. Slowly, she reaches out.

"I wouldn't," Elsa says hastily. "My hands get _very_ cold when I'm-"

But Kyra has already taken one of Elsa's fists into her hands, and is rubbing a thumb across her knuckles. Her skin feels warm where Kyra touches her. Suddenly, she can't finish her sentence.

"It _is_ cold," Kyra says with some wonder, her thumb tracing a circle around the middle knuckle. She looks up at Elsa. That fear is still in her eyes but there's something else as well.

"Yes," Elsa says, trying to smile. Kyra's thumb is tracing lines again, but over the back of her hand now, rather than her knuckles. If she unclenched her fist, she'd be able to touch Kyra's palm. "I did warn you."

"I know, I just didn't believe you. I had to see for myself." Kyra grins her usual grin, a mixture of confidence and slight unease. "Do you know though, I've never seen you do any magic?"

"I don't do it that often in front of people. It's either very public or very private. I … I grew up not using it at all in front of other people. It's hard to break that habit." Kyra's still tracing her thumb over Elsa's hand and it's surprisingly hard to think. "So, um, have you satisfied yourself that my hand _does_ get cold?"

"Oh. Yes." She drops Elsa's hand. "I suppose if you're busy, you could let me know if you want to talk some time?"

"Tomorrow evening?"

Kyra doesn't question why Elsa's schedule has suddenly cleared. She just nods and disappears. Elsa can't stop herself from smiling. Kyra _isn't_ in love with someone. Kedar was exaggerating some friendship or something.

She places her fist in her other hand, still grinning, when it occurs to her that actually Kyra hadn't grabbed her fist to see if it would turn cold – she'd only known that her fist would be cold _after_ Elsa warned her against holding it. So why didn't she contradict Elsa?

She forces herself to shrug. It's such a small thing and Kyra does things like that a lot. She's overthinking it. As usual.

 **Lethal**

"You seem happier," Anna says. Elsa shrugs. "You made up with Kyra?"

"How did you kn-"

"I know you, Elsa," Anna says, smiling. She pauses. "You really like her, don't you?"

"She's a good friend."

Anna fidgets, chewing her lip in the way that means she's pondering something. Then she says, "Elsa, can I … it's a weird question but can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Don't be mean," she says. Elsa chuckles. "Seriously."

Anna _is_ being serious. It's enough to make Elsa sober and say, "Go on."

"You and Kyra … you … do you _like_ Kyra? Like I like Kristoff, I mean?"

Her throat is suddenly dry, and she can feel her cheeks warm as she says, "That's illegal. I don't think it's even possible."

"I didn't either but, uh, you and her … always seem so _close_ , you know, and she's always touching you – not _always_ but a lot – and, I dunno, it'd explain why Kedar stopped courting you."

"He stopped because … well, not because of that. I'm not in love with _Kyra_." She tries to laugh. "I'm sure I'll meet the right man one day, Anna. Or, at least, someone who I can marry for the sake of Arendelle."

"Don't say that."

"Anna-"

"I know, I know, you're supposed to marry for politics but … it's not _fair_. Why _should_ you marry someone you don't love when I get to marry Kristoff? Why does everything bad have to happen to you?"

Which is a bit of an exaggeration coming from someone who had their memories forcibly wiped and who was turned into ice but, as always, Elsa can't find the words to say that. One day. One day she'll stop feeling guilty, and the nightmares which plague her will stop, and she'll be able to look her sister in the eye when she makes comments like that. Because what makes her think Elsa _doesn't_ deserve this?

"Well, nothing lethal has happened yet," she says, trying to inject humour into her tone but it still feels too close to Anna freezing and she looks away.

Anna slings an arm around her shoulder. "You _don't_ deserve it," she says with the assurance of someone who has spent hours and days and nights talking their sister through some of her worst fears. "Heck, if marrying _Kyra_ would make you happy then I'd say go for it."

Elsa blinks. "Wait, what? Really?"

Anna shrugs, although there is discomfort on her face. "I'd think it was _weird_ and, uh, yeah, maybe not healthy but … hey, you go around turning things into ice. Why stop there?" She pauses. "That did _not_ come out the way I meant it to. I mean … if it makes you happy and her happy and nobody's, like, hurt or anything then … why not? I mean, it's not like _you_ would force her to do anything and she doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd hurt you so… But, uh, you said you weren't-"

"I'm not," she says quickly. "I just … blegh. I don't know what I want."

Anna grins. "I should take you up to the village sometime. You could find a nice, hunky ice cutter there. I'm sure Kristoff could help."

"I'm sure Kristoff couldn't think of anything he'd like to do _less_ than try to match-make me."

"OK, well, Olaf would help."

"Yes but – and I say this with the greatest love and respect for him – I don't know that the person _Olaf_ picks for me would be my perfect match."

"Just because he'd pick the first person he meets doesn't mean anything." When she catches Elsa's expression, she adds, "Look, Hans was a one-off. And to be fair, he did give everyone in Arendelle blankets so … you know, he could have been worse."

She smiles to show she's joking. It's an amazing thing but Anna _can_ joke about her past mistakes. Now. For months, she would only talk about anything, anything at all except Hans.

"Anyway," Anna says, "I'm glad you're happier. You should just do whatever makes you happy – if you don't want to marry anyone, don't." She grins. "As you say, nothing lethal has happened yet."

 **Morbid**

She can't stop thinking about Anna's question.

 _Do you_ like _Kyra?_

She doesn't. Obviously, she doesn't.

 _She's always touching you_.

She isn't. They hug and, OK, maybe Elsa holds her tighter than she would hold someone else but it's because they're friends. Kyra sometimes pats her shoulder, or Elsa will put a hand on her arm, but friends _do_ that. She does that with Anna and it doesn't mean she wants to marry her _sister_. Elsa's not used to touching people anyway. She's probably doing it wrong and Kyra's too polite to say so, even if _tact_ isn't a word one would normally associate with Kyra.

Sometimes, though, she touches her hand and remembers the whorls of Kyra's thumb as it trailed across Elsa's knuckles.

Sometimes, she dreams about those whorls touching other places and wakes up feeling strangely flushed. On those days, she can't look Kyra in the eye.

 _It'd explain why Kedar stopped courting you_.

He stopped because he could tell Elsa doesn't love him and maybe never will. It had _nothing_ to do with Kyra.

Except...

 _The law on same sex relations here … it's illegal, isn't it?_

It's coincidence. He wasn't asking about her. He couldn't possibly know that she- No. He was asking about…

Kyra?

But that's ridiculous. She's his sister. He wouldn't make implications like that.

 _My sister's fallen in love with someone indecent._

It's true that Kyra wouldn't tell her if she's fallen in love with a woman. But it's a moot point because women don't do that.

Do they?

Maybe Kedar _was_ asking about himself. Which makes about as much sense.

She can't ask now – it would go beyond morbid curiosity. That being said, it used to be the law that people guilty of … _that_ … were killed so it _is_ a morbid topic. Maybe Kedar asked because that's the sentence in Frentis. But that means he was asking _about_ someone.

 _You're-_

 _Not the person you have feelings for. That's someone else._

Maybe it _was_ Elsa he was talking about. Maybe he knows about the dreams, and the swooping sensation, and the touching, and the constant thinking. And maybe … maybe he's right and they do mean something. But even if he _was_ (and he wasn't, of course he wasn't) then it doesn't matter. Elsa can feel whatever she wants, wrong or right, but it doesn't mean Kyra feels the same.

 **Narcotic**

She tries not to think about the possibility – not a possibility, of course it's not a possibility (is it?) – that she likes Kyra that way. But now she feels as though her interactions with Kyra are being watched constantly even if there is no one there _to_ watch. She should find a reason to stay away from Kyra until she's been to see a physician or something but given what happened last time she stayed away…

Anna's wedding approaches and Elsa finds her time taken up with preparations for that. It's one of the only times Elsa can say that she's seen Anna stressed and, on occasion, she has to literally force Anna into bed to sleep. On more than one day, Olaf is the only being who is at all happy. But it's good because it takes her mind off-

Other nobles assist with some of the wedding preparations but Elsa is still surprised when she sees the Laukkanens dutifully listening to music orchestras with Anna, Kristoff and Olaf one evening. When Elsa asks Anna about it, Anna explains that the Frentish are supposed to have amazing taste in music.

"That's probably true," Elsa says, "But you're not Frentish and they don't know Arendelle music."

"They wanted to help," Anna says.

Elsa can't exactly argue with that so she leaves them to it. When she returns, a couple of hours later, a group has apparently been picked and Anna, Kristoff and Absalom, Maja and Kedar Laukkanen are all in a merry state of drunkenness. Kyra is the only one who sees Elsa. She nudges her head, indicating that she'd be happy to go for a walk if Elsa would. Elsa agrees before remembering why it might be a bad idea.

They talk as they walk through one of the private gardens, but about non-consequential things: Anna's wedding; the weather; court gossip. Elsa is careful to leave a little gap between her and Kyra so that they can't accidentally brush against each other. Which is paranoia at its finest but as Anna said, she already goes around making snow and ice, so why stop there with abnormality?

"Do you know, I don't know the full story of how Anna and Kristoff met?" Kyra says, snapping off plant leaves as she walks. It's an almost absent-minded act of vandalism that makes Elsa smile as much as it irritates her gardeners. "All I've heard is that he saved her life when you froze everything."

Kyra has never seemed fazed by what Elsa did. Elsa doesn't know how much of it she actually knows because few people discuss those times directly with Elsa. Elsa opens her mouth to say that, actually, that's more-or-less the whole story (and in any event, she wasn't there for most of the meeting) but hears herself telling the story as Anna told it to her. They stop walking as she talks about how she ran off into the mountains and Anna ran after her, having gotten herself engaged to a stranger. How Anna met Kristoff at an outpost and convinced him to accompany her up the mountain to find Elsa.

She doesn't stop there though. She tells Kyra about Anna _finding_ Elsa, and Elsa freezing Anna. About forcibly ejecting Kristoff and Anna. How Kristoff took her to his family, how Anna collapsed, how he returned her to Arendelle where Hans betrayed her. How Elsa escaped onto the fjord and Anna saved her life as Kristoff ran after her.

Kyra is silent for all of this but when Elsa stops speaking, she says, "That sounds like such a wild story. The sort of thing you only read about. One thing I was wondering though: how did _you_ end up in Arendelle? You were in the mountain and then you were suddenly being held captive in a cell."

Elsa flinches. That's something she's not discussed with anyone – not even Anna. Not past her being captured. She has dark thoughts and then she has _dark_ thoughts. "I…" She looks at her hands, wondering how she can sum it up simply. She doesn't need to talk about anything _dark_. But when she glances up, she sees Kyra's gaze, as steady as always, and says, "Hans and some soldiers came to capture me. To bring back summer. Two men got ahead of him and one tried to kill me and I … fought. I nearly killed them. I … I was going to until Hans shouted and a, a chandelier fell and knocked me out." She pauses, looking at her hands again. "If Hans hadn't shouted, I would have killed those men."

"You were defen-"

"I _wanted_ to kill those men," Elsa says and Kyra falls silent. "I … at that moment, all I could think about was that they wanted to hurt me, and that everyone would want to hurt me, so I had to hurt them _first_. I hated them." She keeps looking at her hands. "They were brave men, following Hans' orders, probably just trying to save Arendelle, and I hated them."

A hand creeps into her field of vision and, slowly, gently, latches onto her hand. Fingers interlace with hers and even now she feels a little spark. "Still cold," Kyra says.

"Kyra-"

"You know what's interesting about what you just said?" she says. Elsa, still looking at their interlaced fingers, shakes her head. "You said you _hated_ them. Not _hate_. Hated. You don't hate them now?"

"I … no. If I were them, I'd have been scared of me too."

"But they tried to kill you."

"I'd have probably thought it better that I died as well." She remembers that moment on the fjord. "I did think it better in the end."

"But you don't hate them. You understand them." She squeezes Elsa's hand. When Elsa looks up, she's grinning her confident, uneasy grin. "You can't be that bad then."

"I hate Hans," she blurts out. "It's been years and I just can't _not_ hate him."

"But enough to kill him?"

"I don't know."

Kyra is quiet for a long time and Elsa thinks that maybe this is the time she's shocked her.

"I don't know that anything I say can help," she says finally. "But _I_ don't think you're a bad person just because you hate someone. It's meant to be the opposite of love, so if we're supposed to love, why shouldn't we hate? You can't stop someone from _feeling_ something."

Elsa stares. It sounds familiar. Achingly familiar. Hasn't she been through this before?

"What if you don't feel properly?"

"What?" Kyra frowns. "How would you know?"

"If people tell you … say if you're … addicted to something. Something like a narcotic. You _think_ it's love but … it can't be. That's why there are laws in place to stop it."

"That's … well, narcotics are bad for you so…" She trails off and looks at their interlaced fingers.

 _My sister's fallen in love with someone indecent._

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something._

"So what if you _think_ you just hate someone but it's … worse?"

"Murderous rage worse?"

"Say someone takes narcotics and someone else withholds them. For their own safety. But the user thinks they hate that person and maybe does fly into a murderous rage. But it's not hate. It's withdrawal. It's … not really feeling."

Kyra pauses. "Elsa, are you trying to tell me you use narcotics?"

"No. It was an example."

But she thinks some of the way she feels when she's near Kyra must be _like_ using a narcotic.

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something._

"OK, just checking." She grins but the grin is more uneasy than confident. "I suppose … I mean it would … if you..." Something in her expression hardens. "You know what, actually? I don't think anyone can answer that. Because how would people _know_? Who says the narcotic user really doesn't hate the other person and this isn't just a trigger?" Her fingers tighten around Elsa's hand but Elsa doesn't think it's supposed to be comforting. "My mother tries to tell me how I feel about men all of the time but she can't know how I feel. Nobody can. They can only tell me what they _think_ I should feel. But they've not been in that situation themselves so how can they understand it? How can they _possibly_ understand how it feels to…" She breaks off and there's something that's like anger in her face. And it's that, more than Kyra's bitter tone or bitter words that makes Elsa's breath hitch as it _finally_ clicks.

Kyra catches it. "What?" Elsa is only staring at her. "What? What is it?"

"N-nothing."

"Elsa."

"Really, it's nothing. Just, you know, thinking about a report I have to read."

But of course that doesn't wash. Not with Kyra being so frustrated. And it's definitely frustration, not anger, that's on her face and in her words and in the clench of her fingers. "Come on, Elsa. Just tell me. Let's not … don't hide it from me. Not again."

She could lie. She could say it was about her or Anna or even somebody she met in the street. But Kyra knows her too well and Elsa lies too infrequently these days, to be sure that she could get away with it, especially given her mood right now. And maybe Kyra deserves to know what Elsa's been thinking more than she needs her feelings spared.

Even so, she's slow, hesitant, hoping Kyra will stop her as she says, "It's … you know we talked a while ago, about Kedar saying you loved someone? And you said there wasn't a man?" Kyra nods slowly and, somehow, Elsa isn't surprised to see anxiety inching its way onto her face. "It's … Kedar never actually _said_ you loved a man. I _assumed_ that. And you only said there wasn't a man."

The anxiety is now something else but _still_ she doesn't stop Elsa.

"It's a woman, isn't it?"

Kyra takes a step backwards, her hand dropping from Elsa's. "Elsa, it's not-"

"I don't care," Elsa says hurriedly. "It … I…" She stops. "I shouldn't have … I should have just shut u-"

"No," Kyra says. "I just … I didn't think you'd…"

"If it's not true then-"

Kyra shrugs her shoulders hopelessly. "It wouldn't happen anyway so … I'm fine. My mother will find me a nice, young man who will give me everything I ever wanted and that will be enough." She looks at Elsa steadily, despite the anxiety in her eyes and Elsa loves that about her. "That's a yes, by the way," Kyra says, still looking at Elsa. "Since you asked. I am in love with … well. I _feel_ like I have feelings for a woman. I probably don't." Her smile is thin and there's that bitter tinge to it. "There are laws in place to stop it. So I intend to wait it out. It's probably the air here."

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something._

 _Do you_ like _Kyra?_

"You know, when your brother said he wanted to stop courting me, he said he thought I had feelings for someone," Elsa says. There's a part of her that is asking her just what she thinks she's saying but there is another part that hates seeing how the bitterness on Kyra's face hides the fear and worry in her eyes. Something that makes her realise that she's more upset at the prospect of losing Kyra than she is at the idea that Kyra has these feelings.

 _I don't think anyone can answer that. Because how would people_ know _? Who says the narcotic user really doesn't hate the other person and this isn't just a trigger?_

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something._

"My sister," she says and then pauses because this is something else. She has no guarantee that _she's_ the woman Kyra loves. She probably isn't. And it doesn't _matter_ because _Elsa_ doesn't have these feelings. She _can't_ have them. "My sister…"

"You're not about to tell me you're in love with your _sister_ , are you?"

It's so unexpected that Elsa laughs. "What? No! What is it with you and assuming I'm doing all kinds of … things?"

Kyra actually smirks. "Well, we've gotten my perverted confession out of the way so I can only assume you're trying to equal or top it." She pauses. "That … you know, it's funny, but you _don't_ care, do you? I've literally never told _anyone_ that I … get feelings about women and here I am, joking about it with you five minutes after saying it. And I feel like I _can_."

"I'm good with weird," Elsa says and then regrets the choice of wording. "I mean-"

But Kyra smiles. "It's fine. There must be a reason it's illegal, right?" She looks back at the castle. "We've been out here a while. We should probably go back in."

Shamefully, relief hits Elsa because now she doesn't need to say anything. "You're right. Let's go."

They talk about very little as they walk back, with that carefully maintained gap still between them, though she doesn't know which of them is maintaining it now. For a few minutes, Elsa thinks they might default to normal.

But then, just before they can enter the castle, Kyra says very quietly, "Thanks, by the way. For not asking _who_ the woman is."

"Oh. No problem," Elsa says.

"But, uh, one thing."

"Hmm?"

"Before I accused you of incest, you were saying Kedar thought you had feelings for someone. And it wasn't Anna." Her heart beats harder. "He … he didn't say that the person was a man, did he?"

For a moment, the world stops.

She shouldn't.

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something_.

She can't.

 _You can't stop someone from_ feeling _something_.

But she maybe, probably, possibly, definitely, might-

"No," she says quietly, almost amazed at the word coming out of her mouth. "I assumed he meant a man but … I don't think he did." She clenches her fist and even more quietly, because she can't stop it now, she says, "And I'm starting to think he was right."

Kyra's eyes widen as she looks at Elsa.

"Hey, Elsa!" Kristoff shouts. "There you are. Can you help me get your sister down from the table? She says she'll only listen to you."

Elsa trades a look with Kyra. "I'll … see you sometime."

And she goes in.

 **Officer**

Anna's wedding to Kristoff is wonderful. Anna is stunning in her dress and Kristoff is surprisingly well-groomed for Kristoff. Elsa walks Anna down the aisle, blinking often to stop herself from crying. Anna looks a little watery-eyed herself when they reach the aisle, and she kisses Elsa on the cheek.

A country-wide celebration follows the wedding, which Elsa throws herself into. She is everywhere, checking on the decorations, powering the ice rink, conducting the choir, talking to the chefs. It's tiring but it's worth it, to see the blissful smile on Anna's face.

There is a dinner and a dance that evening for Anna, with guests from all over the world. Elsa gives a speech and somehow gets through it without crying. Her partner for the evening is a shy teenage boy whose family have only recently entered the nobility and whose father recently died. Elsa asked him to accompany her upon hearing that he had been unable to woo anyone suitable. Of course everyone, including the boy, can see the gesture for what it is, but she knows it will also elevate him in the eyes of other nobles, who will think he has her favour. For his part, he talks with animated enthusiasm, not quite in tune with the usual noble politics. It makes a nice change from her usual dining partners since Kedar.

Kristoff and Anna have the first dance and then the floor is open to other couples. Elsa dances with her dinner guest until they spot a woman closer to his age watching them. At Elsa's suggestion, he asks her to dance and from then on, the evening is smooth sailing for him. She dances with Anna, with Kristoff, and then with a few other noble men (including Kedar), until she can retreat to the side-lines.

The party is in full swing when Olaf tugs her dress. Olaf more-or-less comes and goes as he pleases. Whether he attends a party depends on how he feels at the time – as someone who finds most things fun, he often finds strange, seemingly dull things more interesting to do than attend a dance or a ball.

"Kyra says if you rescue her on the fourth balcony, she'll love you forever." He pauses. "Oh, wait, she said not to say she'd love you forever. She said to say that she'd concede the war. She doesn't love you."

Elsa blinks. "Oh. Uh, thanks, Olaf. I'll go now." She looks around. "I think if you talk to Anna, she'll dance with you."

"I'd love that!" Olaf waddles off, leaving Elsa alone to sneak to the balcony. She doubts Kyra actually needs rescuing. Since that evening under the stars, Kyra has avoided being left alone with her for too long. Despite what she said about feeling comfortable near Elsa, it seems she's still embarrassed. And Elsa isn't much better after her own confession. So Kyra probably wants to talk about it, rather than expecting Elsa to save her from something and pretend that conversation never happened.

But when she steps out through the curtained doors onto the balcony, she sees a man leaning close to Kyra, who is backed up against a railing. For a moment, Elsa can only stare. Kyra really _does_ want rescuing.

" _That's_ where you two are," Elsa says loudly while trying to think of a reason for looking for them. The man turns and she remembers who he is – Prince Aled of Burakoem. "People have been wondering and, well, you know the rumours that go round." The fact that people probably don't care where Prince Aled is, given he's the second son of a relatively minor kingdom is by the by. Kyra only generates gossip because it's well known that she's one of Elsa's closest friends. "Of course," she adds, still wondering what she's actually doing, "it would be terrible if I found out those rumours are true. There is a time and a place."

She regards both of them with as cold a gaze as she can manage. Kyra is looking at the floor, probably to stop herself from laughing. Prince Aled looks a little panicked.

"We were just talking," he says slowly. "I think Lady Laukkanen's country is interesting, see."

"It looked like more than talking from where I was," Elsa says. "I'm sure you're aware of the Frentish customs regulating contact between unwedded men and women, your Highness? I'd normally be willing to turn a blind eye but … you see, the Laukkanens are here as diplomats and so Lord Absalom trusts me to ensure their customs are upheld so far as possible."

Kyra's shoulders are shaking but, luckily, Aled is still facing Elsa. "Yes, your Majesty. I understand. We were only talking, mind." He scratches his head. "Maybe I should return to remove any rumours." He turns to Kyra, who has thankfully gotten her laughter under control. "Perhaps you will dance with me again later, Lady Laukkanen."

He walks past them into the lights and sounds of the party. Elsa watches that light before turning to Kyra, who hesitates before hugging Elsa tightly, whispering thanks. When she lets go, Elsa says the first thing that comes into her mind that avoids what they said a few nights ago.

"I, uh, take it you were fine with me making up Frentish customs?"

Kyra starts to laugh. "Where did you get that from? That was … you looked so _scary_. I actually felt sorry for him."

"He wasn't an officer and a gentleman then?"

"An officer, certainly. He told me about that. I don't know. He wasn't _horrible_ – he was actually quite funny – but he was more … touchy-feely than I wanted him to be. And when I asked him to stop, he pretended he hadn't heard me." She grins. "That's probably why your lie was so effective. He probably thinks he's just offended Frentis in an unforgiveable manner."

"Pity they didn't send his younger brother. _He_ wouldn't have been too touchy-feely – he's fairly timid. Guess they must be more worried about their international appearance than I thought, if they've sent the middle prince instead."

"What about the Southern Isles? Are they here?"

Elsa smirks. "We have an unspoken agreement there. I'll invite them because they punished Hans so, officially, there are no more problems between us. They'll pretend that there's an unavoidable commitment which prevents them from coming because they're scared of me. I'll accept that because I don't want to see them."

"I never thought power would go to your head," Kyra says and Elsa laughs. "I saw your move with inviting that young earl by the way. Very smooth." She smiles. "Must be nice to be able to do that."

"Mmm." She's made comments like this before but now, it feels … sad. Maybe that's why Elsa adds, "But I still can't invite who I want to invite."

Kyra's expression softens but all she says is, "Maybe you could change the law."

Elsa snorts. "Sure. It might get changed in about a century. Right now, if I bring it up, everyone is keen to tell me it's a sin, an abomination, unnatural and a disease. I think you and I are the only ones who might want it changed and I've only wanted it changed since…"

"Since you … got those feelings for your someone?"

"Something like that." Elsa tries to smile. "Anyway, Olaf said something about you conceding the war you started the first time we met?"

"Oh, yeah." Kyra smirks. "I did promise. But that was before I knew you were going to potentially start one for me with Burakoem."

"But I didn't. Anyway, what was I supposed to say?"

"You have _magic_ and you couldn't think of an inventive use for it?"

She chucks a snowball at Kyra without thinking about it. Kyra shrieks as the cold hits her and then looks at her dress. Before Elsa can apologise, she laughs. "That was great. Do something else!"

So Elsa does. She makes little snowmen and ice sculptures and a few more snowballs. Kyra watches in wide-eyed rapture.

"You've seen me use magic before," Elsa says.

"Yes, but that was for everyone. Never just for me."

Elsa's never been good at using her powers outside very public displays, or just for herself or Anna. She wouldn't say she's fully comfortable doing it with Kyra but it's not as hard as it always seems. That irrational fear that someone will scream at her and try to kill her hasn't materialised.

She creates a snow rabbit and makes it hop around. Kyra scoops it up but the snow falls through her fingers.

"It's wonderful! I'm sorry I ever told my parents I didn't want to come to Arendelle." Seeing Elsa's expression, she shrugs. "All I'd really heard, apart from the language, was that it was tiny, freezing in winter and you nearly killed everyone once. And now I know that all of that is true but in a _nice_ way." She hesitates before walking to Elsa and kissing her cheek. "I really hope your lady loves you back," she says quietly. "You'd make her happy, I bet."

She should say it, she thinks, and she's surprised by the suddenness of the thought. But it's true. It _is_ true. What's the point in pretending to herself that it isn't? So she _should_ say it. She should say it while she can still feel the imprint of Kyra's lips on her cheek. She should say it while she's happy to admit to herself that actually, she _does_ have feelings for Kyra and doesn't she deserve to be happy, even if it is weird, if she's not hurting anyone? She should _say_ it.

"I-"

"Yeah?"

But what if Kyra doesn't feel the same way? What if it ruins their friendship? What if Kyra thinks Elsa corrupted her and these feelings they have are all Elsa's fault?

"Elsa?"

"Just … thanks."

 **Pigeon**

A few days after the wedding, most of the delegates depart for their home countries. The Laukkanens return to Frentis for a short holiday, and to report to their king. The Arendelle ambassador likewise returns to Arendelle.

For the first time in a very long time, Elsa feels lonely. Anna and Kristoff are off enjoying married life. Kyra is in Frentis. She has the servants and her work and some friendly nobles and Olaf but the castle feels empty.

One day, she walks up to the North Mountain with Olaf, to the castle where she left Marshmallow, who has mellowed considerably over the years. It's calm up here, with only the snowmen for company.

"And pigeons," Olaf says.

"Huh?"

"Pigeons." He points.

"…Must be racing pigeons of some kind if they're all the way out here." She watches them fly. "They're meant to symbolise peace and love, you know. Like doves."

"Cool!" Olaf says, with the same enthusiasm he applies to most things. "Maybe you should give one to Kyra."

"That's a goo- Wait, what? Why?"

"'Cause you love her." Olaf is completely oblivious to Elsa's growing panic. "You always look at her like Kristoff and Anna look at each other, and you rescue her on balconies, and she said she'd love you forever if … oh, no, no she didn't."

"How does Kyra look at me?"

He shrugs. "The same way. That's funny. I thought she didn't love you." He shrugs. "Maybe if she gets _you_ a pigeon, we'll know."

"She looks at me the same?"

"Yeah. Why?"

Elsa is quiet for a few seconds. "Do you think that's weird?" she asks Olaf. "If I love Kyra and she loves me like that? Since we're both women?"

Olaf takes out one of his arms to scratch his head. "There isn't a reason for you not to love her, is there? Love's just love." He shrugs. "It's not any weirder than me loving summer."

He's not wrong about _that_ at least. But Olaf doesn't know of the reasons behind that law: nobody's ever explained how families work to him. Nonetheless, she keeps her eyes on those pigeons and wonders if maybe, just maybe, Olaf is seeing something that might actually be there.

 **Quacks**

The Laukkanens return in the new year. Absalom comes alone to bring her tidings from the Frentish king and she nods politely along. The Frentish king has sent a few nobles to Arendelle – she has done the same with Arendelle nobles – for a couple of weeks, to negotiate some things with her. Absalom informs her that the Laukkanens intend to take them for an overnight trip into a nearby forest and are hoping some of the Arendelle nobility will join them.

She goes for some of the jaunt. At the beginning of the ride, she sees Kyra for the first time in a month, and feels that familiar tightening in her stomach. Her heart seems to beat harder than normal when she remembers Olaf's words, but she keeps her composure as Kyra hugs her and hands her a small package.

"A birthday present," she says, her brown eyes twinkling with humour. "I seem to recall that it's towards the end of the year. Go on, open it."

So Elsa does, and is presented with a small, wooden whistle. Confused, she inspects it and then, with more than a little trepidation, blows it. She's so startled at the noise that she actually freezes the whistle and has to hurriedly un-freeze it.

"It quacks!"

Kyra is laughing too hard to respond for a few seconds. When she's composed herself, she says, "That was brilliant. I wish you could have seen your face. Happy birthday!"

"Why did you get me a whistle that makes a quacking noise?"

"It seemed like your sort of thing. Besides, when you get Frentish gifts, you must get all sorts of fancy items. _This_ is the sort of thing a normal tourist would buy. I thought it was a shame that nobody would ever give it to you, and you'd be too dignified to buy it yourself. Don't give me that look – have you _seen_ your expression when you walk around?"

Someone shouts that they need to set off. Elsa keeps the whistle with her.

The trip is enjoyable, and it's nice to speak to some of the Arendelle and Frentish nobles. She doesn't have much of an opportunity to speak to Kyra, primarily because Maja Laukkanen has matched Kyra with an Arendelle noblemen. From Elsa's perspective, Kyra doesn't make a huge effort to engage the nobleman – she's defensive, as though anticipating trouble from the get-go.

In any event, Elsa has to return to the castle at the end of the first day, to catch up on some work, so she doesn't see how that ends. The next evening, she meets them at the gates and invites them for a brief dinner where she notes that Kyra – resplendent in a simple red dress – is now talking to the nobleman normally. Elsa slips away when the party is winding down to carry on with her work.

About an hour later, there is a knock on the door. Somehow, she's not surprised to see Kyra there. She's not even surprised that Kyra has found her study.

"You know this is off-limits to anyone who isn't my sister or a servant, yes?"

"Gerda tells me that you have so few people you trust that she's more than happy to let me have the run of the castle. Even if I _am_ Frentish."

"And technically still at war with us."

"Did you ever _tell_ Frentis that they're at war with you? I don't think it counts if only I know about it."

"Surely that was something _you_ were supposed to do?" She puts her pen down. "So, why are you here and not at the dinner or going home? What happened to Ludvig?"

She fiddles. "He's gone to sleep. He's OK, actually. Not what I expected. He's nice and kind of funny. But he's not…" She shrugs. "Well. We're still here because my brother is getting on _very_ well with Reidi and my parents don't want it to go wrong. I said I'd agreed to give you something so they don't expect me back for a while."

"That's all well and good," Elsa says, "but _I_ have to work."

"You worked last night as well and left me on that ride alone." Elsa's expression doesn't change. "Fine. I'll help." She pauses. "I probably don't know enough about whatever you're writing about, but I could put your papers in order." She looks around at the neat system Elsa has employed. "I could sweep."

"And offend my servants?" Elsa rolls her eyes but she can't help smiling. She knew from the moment that Kyra turned up that she would give in. "Fine. We can go for a walk. I could do with a break anyway." She stands up and leads Kyra out of the castle, into one of the gardens. Kyra shivers. When Elsa looks at her quizzically, she just says that not everyone is immune to cold.

Kyra talks about her month away, and Elsa tries to make her month sound more exciting than it was. Mostly, she listens to Kyra. When they first met, Kyra was almost reluctant to say anything detailed about herself but now, she can talk for hours to Elsa. Elsa likes listening to her talk, likes the way her accent makes her trip up on certain words, likes how she makes things sound amusing in her low tone of voice.

They're looking at a pond when Elsa pulls out the little whistle and blows it. Kyra jumps and Elsa laughs.

"You still have that?"

"I have to get _some_ use out of it."

She's still laughing when Kyra says, "Elsa, what do you love about your … person?"

Elsa stops laughing because what can she say to _that_?

"I … I don't know," she says. "She … she's beautiful. I look at her and it feels like everything about me is soaking her up." It's surprisingly easy to say this. It's almost as though the words have just been _waiting_ to come out. "She can be grumpy but never _angry_ grumpy. Not with me. She makes me laugh and she's not afraid of me – not of my ice powers or of my position. She has this way of smiling that's both confident and not. She's sweet even if she doesn't think about how friendly she sounds. She's a good listener. She's … she's just her." She smiles. "How about you?"

Kyra looks a little taken aback though Elsa doesn't know if that's from her description or from the question. But then she nods and says, "The first time I saw her, she was … I don't know, OK. But the first time I really spoke to her, I just … knew." She grins. "Ridiculous as that sounds. But she was just so composed when I was being rude and I thought she'd be stuck up but she was surprisingly nice. She's always nice, actually. And she's funny – not in an obvious way but in a way that makes you smile even when you don't want to. She's smart. She … she hides away a lot but if I ever want to speak to her, she makes time for me. She always dresses nicely but if you catch her on a wild day, it's … it's amazing. She looks so free, so _natural_ that you kind of want to jump around with her. And sometimes, she'll do or say something I suggested – even something trivial – and it makes me … I don't know, I feel like she does it _for_ me. Like I'm actually valuable."

"You met her in Arendelle, didn't you?" Elsa asks but she's wondering – is that _her_? Is that how Kyra sees her? Or is it someone else? Because she doesn't know if that _does_ describe her. Surely it doesn't. She's not funny, she's not nice and she's not smart.

"Yes. But it's not going to work out. I mean, how can it?" Kyra sighs then. "You know, in Frentis they say finding someone you love is as easy as ABC. Which it is for some people I guess. But they can't all be as easy as ABC. Like your sister for example. So I think maybe there are some easy ABC stories and then some harder ABCDEF stories. But stories like ours … I can't see them even being as easy as ABCDEF. They're just too difficult."

"So they'd probably use up most or all of the letters then," Elsa says, not entirely sure she's followed Kyra's musing. Kyra nods. "Does that make them alphabet stories?"

Kyra smiles. "Alphabet stories. I like that." She pauses. "I guess at least we know how the alphabet ends."

"True," Elsa says, though she isn't sure that's comforting. "Any idea which letter you're on?"

"Probably about C or D. It's not like I've gotten very _far_ with her. How about you?"

"The same."

They fall silent. Elsa looks at Kyra, loving the way she twirls a strand of hair around her finger as she thinks about this woman who's smart and funny and beautiful. She's right, even if the alphabet analogy is weird. Stories like theirs _are_ difficult. They probably shouldn't even be stories. And can hers _be_ a story if she never _asks_ the other person if … if they…

Everything she wants to say to Kyra, to do with Kyra, has been trapped for so long, and it shouldn't end _here_.

So she says, "A was probably the first time I _properly_ spoke to her: at a party." She has to keep it slightly vague, she thinks, because if she's wrong then Kyra can head her off without it ever being said aloud. Her story will end but their friendship will remain intact. "I wanted some air but when I got onto the balcony, she was already there. We started talking. I already thought she was beautiful but that … I think that was the real beginning for me. I just didn't realise at the time."

Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Kyra become very, very still. Then, after a few seconds, Kyra says, "My A was the first time I properly spoke to mine as well. I was hiding from the dancing at a party and she couldn't understand why."

Elsa's heart begins to hammer but that's standard Kyra behaviour. There could have been _another_ woman who found her on a balcony. "I suppose B is when I started seeing a man. I think it was partly because I was confused but a lot of it was because _she_ was often with him and she … I don't know, she made me smile. So I got to know her as well and the more I knew of her, the more I wanted to know. I probably spent more time with her than I did with him overall."

"She … started to see someone close to me. So my B was when I encouraged the man because it meant I got to see more of her. Especially since I otherwise wouldn't have because we're … not really on the same social level."

Now Elsa looks at her. She's looking back at Elsa, eyes wide. Kyra _must_ know that Elsa is talking about her. And … who else did Kyra know? Was there any other man Kyra was close to here, apart from her brother? She should _say_ it. She should just let it _go_.

"C was when he left me. Said I had feelings for someone else."

Kyra licks her lips. "They broke apart but she stayed friends with me. Eventually. For a short while, she avoided me but I … I asked her why she was avoiding me." She exhales. "We … we are … we are both describing people standing by this pond, aren't we?"

And it's building, it's building, almost to the point that Elsa can't contain it.

"I am," Elsa croaks because her voice has chosen _now_ to give up on her. "Are you?"

A beat.

"Yes." She's looking at Elsa, fingers practically grinding themselves to the bone. "I am. I just didn't … I didn't think you'd-"

 **Release**

And that's when Elsa kisses her.


	3. Strange - Zonk - Postscript

**_Disclaimer: I do not own_ Frozen.**

 **A/n:** Final chapter. Cut me some slack on T - the actual item wasn't invented until about 1914 so I had to take some liberties with the word. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading along! Conclusion of my experiment, by the way, is that it is actually quite hard to do an Elsa/Female OC story so I can see why there aren't that many of them!

 _ **Interval III**_

 _In the weeks afterwards, whenever she's in the castle, Anna always knocks on her door. Each time, after a few seconds, she will come in and hand Elsa a steaming cup of hot chocolate that Elsa never wants but will always drink. Then she'll talk about everything and nothing at all, clutching Elsa tightly to her, the way she did so many years ago._

 _And at the end, just as she did in the darkest points of those nights, she'll say, "It will get better, you know. One day."_

 **Strange**

Their walk back to the castle is strange.

Because every so often, one of them will stop to kiss the other. Because Elsa is kissing a woman instead of walking into the castle. Because on the path leading out of the second-smallest garden, a woman is kissing Elsa and holding her close and telling her she's beautiful. Because she _likes_ it.

Their kisses are strange.

Because they're not mere pecks on the lips like Elsa always thought her first kisses would be. They're lips crashing together, mouths opening, tongues dancing. They're hands grasping curves and angles, fingers curling into skin, limbs tangling as bodies fall into each other. They're heat and fire and _your lips aren't cold, Elsa_. They're floodgates of feeling and loss of control and warmth that feels _right_ even as noses bump and teeth accidentally clink.

Their conversation is strange.

Because it's not coherent even though they're trying to be serious. It's shy comments and quick questions, as though they barely know each other. It's giddy _I never thought_ and _you're amazing_ and kisses punctuating fragments of sentences. It's barely a conversation at all but it still feels like one.

Their parting is strange.

Because suddenly they're not kissing and touching. They're oddly formal, trying to inject false informality into their voices as they say goodbye, each trying not to look at the other's swollen lips or mussed hair, or clothing that no longer sits perfectly on their bodies.

The next few days are strange.

Because suddenly they're more than friends but only when they're alone – and they're never truly alone. Kyra can't come to the castle every day; Elsa has no reason to visit the Laukkanens particularly often. There are people near them, constantly. There are very few rooms that Elsa can go to and expect privacy.

But they still try and the fact of this relationship is, perhaps, the strangest of all.

 **Teargas**

"You've been acting strangely, recently."

"You say while standing in the castle kitchen, cutting vegetables, despite the fact you don't live here."

Anna shrugs. "I had a sudden craving for vegetables."

"That's theft, then." She pauses. "Also, really? Vegetables? You almost never eat them. What happened to chocolate?"

Anna grimaces. "Don't. Kristoff's already suggested that. The smell makes me … ugh. No. Vegetables." She cuts into one and coughs. "Why do these always make me cry? Do you think they have some kind of gas that makes you cry? There must be a name for it. Crygas? Teargas?"

Elsa looks at her little sister with more than a little worry. "Are you feeling OK?"

"Hey, don't dodge the question!"

"What? What question?"

"About why you've been acting so strangely recently." Anna turns with hands on hips. "You're always daydreaming. You go for walks all the time. You're either _really_ happy or gloomy but there never seems to be any reason for it. And since when do you wear _scarves_?" As she speaks, she looks as though she's working something out. "Alright, who is he?"

"You ask this _every_ _time_ you think I'm being weird," Elsa says, fingering the ice scarf around her neck.

Anna considers this and then laughs. "OK, there's _definitely_ someone. C'mon, if you don't tell me, I'll ask all the servants."

"There's _no one_. You don't think I wouldn't tell you, do you?" Anna's expression makes Elsa's heart clench because Anna _does_ think that. And she's right. There's no way Elsa can tell Anna about Kyra, even after a month. Maybe Anna said once that she'd be fine with Elsa being with Kyra, but she suspects that was jocular.

"No, I'm sure you would," Anna says and smiles brightly. Her eyes are red but that's probably (hopefully) from the vegetables. "But if … if there _was_ someone then you … you do know that whoever it is … was … I'd still love you, right?"

Elsa's heart almost stops.

Anna knows.

No. Anna suspects. She doesn't _know_. She doesn't think Elsa would ever … because people don't. They don't and what she and Kyra are is supposed to be something wrong but…

"Thanks, Anna. But there really isn't a man. You can ask around if you want and everyone will tell you I've been a good girl." She tries to smile.

Anna nods and starts to talk about something else, chopping her vegetables all the while, ruminating on whether they do emit this teargas or crygas or whatever. Once she's done, she picks up her plate, presumably to take with her wherever she's going. But then she puts it down and, after a moment's hesitation, grabs Elsa in a tight hug.

"You are happy, aren't you, sis?" she whispers. "Whatever your secret is?"

And even though she shouldn't, Elsa says, "I am. I … I'm the happiest I've been for a long time."

Anna grins as she releases her, eyes watery again. "Good. I'm glad. Whoever it is."

As Anna leaves, Elsa wipes her own eyes. Damn teargas, or crygas, or whatever it is.

 **Urban**

A second month passes, and then a third, up to Kyra's birthday and Elsa is astonished that they haven't been discovered yet. They're being careful – Kyra sometimes thinks _too_ careful – but it still feels like too many close calls. There are queries about why Kyra is in certain parts of the castle or why Elsa suddenly wants to see more of the city; their tousled hair and clothing at odd hours of the day attracts comment; the sudden fondness for scarves on both their parts is in danger of starting a new fashion trend for people who want to win the queen's favour; and Kai definitely disapproves of her new habit of late-night walking. They try to maintain their old friendship in public without letting on that there's anything more but it's hard – especially when Kyra turns it into a game. She _says_ she's not doing anything, even as she brushes fingers against Elsa's leg or back, and Elsa never knows whether to be annoyed or laugh.

But she can hardly blame her because whatever time they _do_ get to themselves is surrounded by a constant fear of someone walking in on them. Whatever they do together feels a little rushed, because if they've gotten the situation even slightly wrong…

Yet for all that, it feels like some of the happiest months of Elsa's life. Kyra is still Kyra – still occasionally grumpy, still tactless, still laughter and mischief and _what ifs_ or _never minds_ – and Elsa loves that. But there are new discoveries in every meeting now and, if anything, she loves that more. She loves how bold Kyra is when they're alone, how she makes Elsa feel bold too. She loves the way the feeling she gets from Kyra's touches and kisses that cover her lips, her cheeks, her neck, her shoulders, spread like frost throughout her system. She loves that Kyra is ticklish. She loves the noise Kyra makes if Elsa's lips venture to the back of her neck. She loves the feel of Kyra's fingers on her back, her sides, her stomach, her breasts. She loves that Kyra doesn't hesitate to explore but will always stop without question if Elsa asks her to. She loves how neither of them knows how to _do_ any of this but they do it anyway, together.

Maja Laukkanen throws a party for Kyra's birthday, and Elsa is, of course, invited. She goes with Anna and Kristoff. Kristoff looks as though he'd rather not be there at all, but Anna's mood is prone to changing swiftly these days, so he doesn't grumble. She shoots him a sympathetic smile when Anna's back is turned, and he grins back ruefully.

The party is being held in the Laukkanens' home which sits in the outskirts of the city. Elsa sits next to Lord Absalom: Kedar is sat next to a woman who Elsa thinks might be called Rose – the Arendelle noble he courted at the time of Elsa and Kyra's first kiss has long since gone – while Kyra sits next to Viscount Ludvig. Elsa tries not to feel jealous, or worry, but it's hard. Kyra and Ludvig get on as well as she and Kedar did and, unlike previous men who have attempted to woo Kyra, he's persistent. Not persistent in an imposing way – persistent by weathering scathing remarks, by being happy to meet her for walks, by politely making it clear that he's still there and still interested.

Elsa tries not to look at them at all during the meal.

After the food there is, of course, dancing. Elsa watches Ludvig ask Kyra for a dance. And another. And another. She dances with a few men herself, each one polite and earnest and still just men. Kedar approaches her, as relaxed and cheerful as always, but when he asks her to dance, he says quietly, "Not quite the person you're hoping for I think, but the closest you'll get tonight."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He only laughs as he pulls her up. "I know you don't. I also know that she likes Ludvig but doesn't think he holds a candle to a certain someone, no matter what she says."

They stick to safe topics after that, but when he kisses her hand at the end of the dance, they both glance at Kyra and Elsa blushes.

After that, Elsa slips away to one of the other rooms, just for some quiet. She's only been in there for five minutes when someone enters. The door clicks shut just as Elsa whirls around.

Kyra grins as she walks towards her. "It's no balcony but it'll do."

Elsa gets out a _what_ before Kyra's lips are on hers and her arms are locked around her. For about a minute, Elsa just reacts, letting Kyra's lips part hers and allowing her own hands to wander, revelling in that strange heat that spreads through her. Then she breaks away.

"We can't," she says. "Not here." She doesn't release Kyra though because this is the first time she's seen her in a week and she doesn't _want_ to let go. "Your entire party is down the corridor. Someone could walk in here."

"I locked the door," Kyra says in the amused voice that always sends shivers down Elsa's spine.

She kisses Elsa again and it takes all of Elsa's concentration to say, "And when someone notices the guest of honour is missing?"

Kyra's fingers play with Elsa's hair. "Nobody will notice."

"Ludvig?"

That makes Kyra pause. Her eyes look to the door. "Maybe," she says. "But … I … I want to be here with _you_. It's _my_ birthday – why should my mother decide who I want to dance with? Why should I pretend that what I feel for Ludvig is anything like what I feel for you?"

Elsa tightens her grip on Kyra, pulling her so close that their foreheads are touching. It wasn't so long ago that she thought even something like this would be impossible. "One day," she says, her voice rough. "One day we won't need to pretend."

"Will we though?"

"I hope so." It's the best Elsa can offer. "I … I'm working on it."

"But it won't be in our lifetimes, will it?" Kyra doesn't sound bitter. They've had this discussion before. There are a number of issues Elsa has to deal with on a day to day basis and there's only so far she can push this particular one without it looking strange. Elsa is only just beginning to appreciate exactly how many people find the thought of what they're doing abhorrent.

"I could just stand up and tell all of my ministers about us? For your birthday, I mean."

Kyra manages to smile at that. "And get overthrown very quickly resulting in you hopefully, but not necessarily, being replaced by Anna and then Anna's child – tell her I said congratulations, by the way. Anyway, please don't. I don't fancy continuing our illegal relationship in a gaol." She moves out of Elsa's hold and walks over to the window, which overlooks the city. Elsa glides over. The streets are dark, lit mainly by moon, star and torch light.

"It's a lot smaller than where I'm from in Frentis," Kyra says. "Where I'm from is … dirtier, I think. Less bustling and more rushed. Urban, I guess."

"We're not urban?"

"Not the way I'm thinking. This is more of a glorified town, really. But I like that. In my city, you go out and you're swallowed, almost. Here, you feel as though people actually care."

"You don't have a high threshold, do you? You like places where people care about you."

Kyra grins as she turns and gives Elsa a peck on the lips. "Still not cold," she says. She takes a step back, letting her arm loop behind Elsa's back. She's never been scared that Elsa might hurt her, even though the first few times she did that, Elsa jumped and nearly frosted something. "But, you know, the ruler of Frentis would have … OK, no, they _wouldn't_ have given me a birthday present. I notice you haven't."

"I did, officially. It's somewhere in your pile. I think it was a clock."

"A clock?"

"A very nice clock, with little birds at each of the numbers. And when it gets to midnight or noon…"

"Don't tell me: it quacks?" Elsa chuckles so Kyra tickles her, making her laugh harder. "Thanks, Elsa."

"Don't sound like that. You got _me_ a whistle." She pauses. In her head, her next sentence sounded incredibly smooth and she got it out with no problem. But, in reality, like all of the other times Elsa has tried to say something like this, it just doesn't come out. At all.

Kyra sees the blush spreading on Elsa's face even though Elsa hasn't said anything. "Were you, uh, planning to give me something else?"

Her face is definitely red now. "Uh … yes. But, uh, not right now. I thought next time … it's a, uh, surprise."

Now Kyra's face turns red as well. "Oh! Um, that's … um … I'm curious now." Her grin is shaky. Elsa can understand why. The rules for men and women are plain and clear – she and Anna even had classes on it. But if there are rules for her and Kyra, she doesn't know what they are. "When were you thinking of, er, giving it to me?"

Elsa wants to raise an eyebrow but she's too embarrassed. She shouldn't be embarrassed. At least Kyra's as embarrassed as she is – she isn't, always. "Next late-night walk. Or… next time you come to annoy me in the castle. I need to think about it a bit more!"

Kyra laughs and that makes Elsa laugh. "You see, this is what I mean. In _my_ city, I'd just be given the clock. And it wouldn't quack either. But _here_ I get a quacking clock and a mysterious gift from the woman I love that isn't fully thought through." She sees Elsa's wide eyes. "What?"

"You, uh, you said…" She gulps because this seems so … big. But there are no rules for them. She can say whatever she feels. She takes a breath. "I just … I … Iloveyoutoo."

"What?"

"I'll, uh, tell you later."

Kyra pulls a face before giving Elsa a swift kiss. "OK, be weird and unintelligible if you want." She sighs. "Ludvig probably _is_ looking for me by now. Let's go back. We can finish this talk another time."

 **Vast**

Time goes by quickly. Anna grows big. Arendelle brightens. Elsa's fifth year as ruler approaches.

And Kyra spends more time with Ludvig.

"Kedar thinks I should stop seeing him," Kyra says at one point. "But that's because he thinks it would be funny."

"He's like Anna, isn't he?"

"In what way?"

"Doesn't approve but won't intervene."

Kyra considers this. "Kind of. I get the impression Kedar _does_ approve but he'll never say so, and he certainly won't help." She wriggles closer to Elsa, who glances around nervously. It's well known to staff that this particular area of the gardens is off-limits without her express permission but there are rumours now that Elsa is meeting a lover here and it won't be long before someone does some investigating into the matter. "I _should_ tell Ludvig I'm not interested."

" _Are_ you interested?"

Kyra turns her face towards Elsa and there's no offence there. Sometimes, it feels as though they've covered a vast expanse in their relationship, making things work as they do. She remembers when they thought of a way to sneak Kyra into her room for a few hours last week and nearly turns red, but even the _fact_ of that is something Elsa once thought she could never do.

"If you mean do I like him, I do." As usual, Kyra makes no exception for people's feelings. "He's easy to talk to and he's sweet. Different from most men my mother tries to pair me up with. If you mean do I _like_ him … I don't think so." Her arm, which is around Elsa's waist, tightens. "I've tried, once or twice but … he's not as strong as you are. He doesn't accept weird things or wrong words as easily as you do. He's more deferential than you but I think it's because he doesn't see me as an equal, the way you do. And I don't have any inclination to do _this_ to him."

She suddenly twists, knocking Elsa onto her back on the ground, and for a while, there are no words.

Afterwards, Elsa says, "Maybe you…"

"Could stop courting him?"

"It's not fair on either of you." She thinks back to Kedar. "That's why your brother stopped courting me. And he was right. Again." She sighs. "I feel like he's insufferable and he's not even _here_."

"Hey, at least you never had to live with him. Close call, huh?" Kyra's teeth flash in a quick grin. "I could," she says in a more serious tone of voice, "but where does that leave my family?" She looks away. "I'm not like you," she says quietly. "If you decide not to court anyone, people might think it unwise, but they'll say it's your prerogative. They might even say it's, you know, just a part of you being an ice witch. If _I_ don't court anyone, people will talk. It'll hurt my family." Her eyes pinch in a frown and Elsa knows that she's thought about this a lot. "Do they consider me too good for Arendelle? Or Frentis? Plus there are all those other families who'd probably ask if I think I'm too good for _them_. And if I ran to you, I'd just be in your service and then there would be not only rumours but queries as to whether my family was so bad, I gave up my own citizenship to leave them. My family don't deserve that. I love them as much as I love you." She pauses. "Ludvig would bring them stability. He's a good man and he has connections."

Her jaw is set in the way Elsa knows means that she's upset but doesn't want to show it. So she strokes Kyra's hair and says, "I understand. I just…"

They don't say anything for a few seconds.

"This isn't going to last forever, is it?" Kyra says softly, her face still set in that way. "Me and you."

They've come so far in their relationship but it's nothing compared to the vast expanse of disapproval, politics and that part of their brain that says, _is this wrong_? Too much ground and too wrong people.

Ice spreads nearby, curling up trees, across plants, under roots. It begins to snow.

She's never thought that she deserves to be happy.

"It's not over yet," Elsa says determinedly, even as wind makes Kyra shiver. "If we were on C or D back then, we can't be _that_ much further along. Maybe on H or I at the most. We have _time._ "

Kyra hesitates and nods. "You're right. We can think about it later. For now…"

She turns to Elsa and, again, there are no words for a while.

 **Witch**

 _They say they saw her with another woman._

The rumours circulate on the last day of summer. They're not substantive but they're there. Queen Elsa has a mysterious lover. A _female_ mysterious lover.

She denies it, of course. She says there is no secret lover and certainly no female lover. What do people think she is? Yes, she has been seeking opinions on legalising same-sex activities but that's because she wonders if perhaps it's a little harsh to imprison a consenting adult who kisses another consenting adult. Yes, she's aware of what the church says but there are other interpretations. It was simply something she wanted to look into.

She doesn't know that she convinces anyone but she still says it, each lie weighing heavily on her. Her advisers, at least, look mollified. But she hears the servants, the nobles, the public talk.

 _I heard they saw them in the gardens. Wonder who it could be… But honestly, the Queen? Her parents must be turning over in their graves._

 _It's probably to do with her being a witch. Stands to reason, doesn't it? Magic does things to a person. She's odd enough already. I just pity the poor girl she's ensnared._

She should tune it out but she can't. Maybe they're right. Maybe it _is_ some bizarre side-effect of her powers. Something wrong, something which enticed Kyra. Something which makes Kyra think she loves Elsa when really, she's screaming for a release. It would make sense. It's wrong. It's supposed to be wrong even if it doesn't _feel_ wrong. And when has she ever done things right?

She closes her eyes and breathes, trying to shake away the empty darkness that threatens to engulf her, that she battled through so often when she was younger. When Anna would sit with her for hours into the morning, holding her hand and chattering about nothing at all, trying to reassure Elsa that she was there, that Elsa could _win_. It's better these days but sometimes … sometimes…

 _Can you even imprison a queen?_

 _Well, do we_ want _someone like that ruling us? Who knows what else a witch gets up to?_

Absalom and Maja Laukkanen seek an audience with her. They're nervous but they look her in the eye as they speak. It's Absalom who asks, as straight-forward as his daughter can be sometimes, whether there's any truth in the rumours. Elsa says there isn't, and hopes that there is no trace of a lie on her face or in the air.

"We understand, your Majesty" says Maja in Kyra's low voice. "It's only … to be blunt, your Majesty, you spend a lot of time with our daughter."

"She's a good friend," Elsa says.

Maja nods. It's funny: Elsa has heard a lot about Maja Laukkanen's domineering attitude and the way she regards her children as items to marry off, but mainly from Kedar and Kyra. They've spoken a few times and, even now, Maja seems reasonable and concerned.

"We appreciate that, your Majesty. We do. But my daughter … well, it's no secret that she has trouble talking to men. Scares them off, we should say. And with _your_ own marriage status…" She trails off and winces. "Forgive me. It's not my place to comment on that."

Which could be a genuine slip or carefully calculated. "I understand your concern," she says carefully. "But it is not unusual for women to be friends. Far more usual for that to happen than for … less savoury activities to occur. I understand that she is currently courting Viscount Ludvig anyway."

More than courting. From what she's heard, a betrothal is being negotiated. Kyra talks little of it, but she's become more intense – her kisses are longer, rougher, more desperate. She clutches, rather than holds. Once or twice, she's reached out for Elsa as though to check she's still there. It scares her.

"She is," Maja says. She sighs and sags. "She is. But I … I do sometimes get the impression that she's only doing it to please me."

Absalom places a hand on his wife's shoulder but doesn't say anything. Elsa almost has to force down the words she wants to say – that Kyra _is_ doing it for her family. And would Maja let Kyra court Elsa?

"Never mind," Maja says, oblivious to Elsa's internal debate. "He's a good man and they get on well. It's a good match. Kyra hasn't scared him off so she obviously likes him." She looks at Elsa. "Sorry to take up your time, your Majesty. It's just, when we heard … but they're just rumours, obviously."

 _She spends a lot of time with that diplomat's daughter, doesn't she?_

 _You don't think… No. She's courting that viscount, isn't she?_

She and Kyra discuss the rumours. Elsa doesn't like that Kyra is starting to be implicated. Kyra seems uncomfortable but her eyes blaze defiance.

"Let them talk about me," she says. "This isn't my country. But you … are you OK? These are about you more than me."

Faced with such courage, what can Elsa say but, "I'm fine." She kisses Kyra hard, hoping it hides the lie. "For as long as I'm with you, I don't care what they say."

 _Whoever it is, they're probably just as bad as she is._

 _If it's true, of course._

And finally Anna, who is heavily pregnant and who probably shouldn't be making trips to the castle at all, knocks on Elsa's door one evening and asks to come in. Elsa waits for Anna's question because what could she possibly be here to talk about other than the rumours?

"Are you OK?"

Elsa looks at her sister's face but sees only concern. "I'm fine. Should you be here? What if-"

"The baby won't come for a few more weeks. Probably. It's fine, you know how to deliver babies, right?" She laughs at Elsa's terror before sobering. "But seriously. I've heard the rumours."

"I'm fine," Elsa says again, feeling the lie burning on her tongue. "It's just talk."

"You know it's not true, right? All this stuff about you being perverted and … you're not weird just because you have powers. You're not weird at all. Well, a little, but in a _good_ way. And … I mean, even if they're true – and I'm not saying they _are_ – then … you're still fine. I assume you're not enchanting random women anyway. Are you?"

"No." Elsa's shoulders shake and she thinks she's about to laugh.

"Good. And, I mean, Kyra's the only woman you spend much time with and _she's_ apparently gonna get betrothed soon. So it's obviously not true 'cause you wouldn't wreck a marriage like that and who else would it be?"

"Exactly," Elsa says but it feels empty.

Anna peers at her. She's better even than Kyra at working out when Elsa's upset. She would be, after those first few years. "Elsa, are you…" She pauses as Elsa's shoulders shake, and something like understanding creeps onto her face. "Elsa, you … you and Kyra…"

She can't do it anymore.

"I love her," she whispers. She feels her shoulders sag at the admission.

She can't look at Anna, who says, "Elsa…" A pause. "It's … the rumours are true then?"

"Not the part where I used my powers – I don't think – but … yes." Her voice is still low and broken. "I just … she makes me … feel. When I'm with her, I feel so _happy_ , so _alive_ and I…" She bites her lip. "I know it's wrong but … I can't help it."

"How long?"

"Since the beginning of the year."

"But you … you do know she's probably getting betrothed? I didn't just spring that on you, did I?"

"I know. I … I won't stop it. I can't stop it and we won't… She … she's got her own reasons for going through with it and I respect that."

Silence.

"So, uh, you … you, uh, you like women then?"

"I don't know. But I've never felt anything like this with any man," Elsa says quietly, unable to look at Anna now. "I don't know why."

"Oh. Right. That seems, uh, clear enough. And, uh, she definitely feels the same way about you?"

"For some reason."

Arms loop around her, holding her tight.

"Not _for some reason_ ," Anna says firmly. "For plenty of reasons. You know, I always thought Kyra seemed sensible." When Elsa leans into the hold and looks at her, Anna smiles. "I'm not gonna pretend that I don't find it weird but if you love her and she loves you, then it might work out, Elsa."

"Anna, I-"

"You don't need to say it," Anna says. "You know I'm on your side. I always am." She lets go of Elsa. "Anyway, chin up. It's not over yet."

"No," Elsa says, "but I don't think we've got long to go."

 **Xyst**

In fact, they last two more months. It's not their best months either. Their meetings are scattered and not long enough (although they've rarely had long enough), each one filled with wary glances and whispered conversation. They both try to pretend nothing is wrong but Kyra holds Elsa's hand hard enough to bruise while Elsa tries not to let go of Kyra at all.

There is no explicit warning from either of them that it will end: no _we need to talk_ or _meet me at the usual place_. They are together, walking along one of the paths in one of the gardens, covered by trees. Elsa has heard the recent news but Kyra isn't discussing it, so she isn't either. She doesn't _want_ to talk about it. But it's in the air and their conversation is hollow and stilted. They're standing close to each other, but not touching, because who's to say an eager soldier won't walk in, trying to catch the Queen with her rumoured mysterious lover?

Kyra looks up at the branches overhead. "Did you grow it like this on purpose?"

Elsa nods. "I think so. I got it like this but I think my parents, or even my grandparents, did it. It's from the, uh, Romans, I think. I read somewhere that they called it a xyst. Although there's another kind, a covered promenade that the Greeks and the Romans also called a xyst."

And now she's babbling.

"They were smart, the Romans," Kyra says. "I … I read once that in Roman times, men were free to love other men and it wasn't … weird."

"The position's less clear on women though. I've, uh, looked into it."

"You _would_." Elsa knows Kyra's smiling fondly. Kyra hates studying and can't understand why Elsa would quite happily curl up somewhere and learn about history or maths. "Pity _we_ can't just be Romans."

"That would be hard, given they're dead."

"Yes but…" Kyra stops and looks up at the branches again. Then she turns to Elsa. Suddenly, Elsa wants to back away and stuff her head under her pillows. "I suppose you've heard. About Ludvig and I."

"It's … it's rather soon, isn't it?"

"He's over the moon about the prospect of marrying a Frentish noble – apparently you lot are so insular that hardly anyone marries outside the country except for the royal family. They were willing to concede quite a lot in the negotiations because of the status and the links we have. And there's still over a year, at least, until the wedding so it may change but…"

They face each other now.

"But you're engaged," Elsa says softly. "Congratulations."

Kyra flinches. She blinks rapidly, setting her jaw in that way that means she's upset. "There has to be a way out. I could … I could break it off. Tell my family I love you and run here. If … if you ask me to then … I would."

She remembers that conversation, so many months ago now. Of what it would do to Kyra's family if Kyra ran away to Elsa. Of what would happen if they simply _told_ people how they feel. Kyra's willing to risk that. For her.

It's a few seconds before Elsa trusts herself to say, "I don't think I'll marry." Kyra is still looking at her, dark eyes fixed on her, black hair hanging around her face. "I've promised myself I won't because if I don't get to marry who I want to marry, why _should_ I? I'll keep fighting for that right. But who knows what will happen in the years to come? If it's the best way – maybe even the only way – to save Arendelle, I don't know that I _could_ stand there and say I won't do it. People like me aren't meant to get what we want. We get what the country wants."

Kyra's expression stiffens even more. Except for her eyes. They blink so rapidly that Elsa is sure she can't see anything.

But her voice is steady as she says, "Sometimes, I've gotten the impression that Ludvig might have as much fondness for men as he does for women. But he doesn't seem the kind to admit it. And even so… This isn't fair on him. He actually likes me. I … what we're doing, sneaking around behind his back. It's wrong." She breathes out. "Not that it's much better that he's getting engaged to me when I love someone else but…"

"But there's no way out of this. Not unless I give up my crown and you give up your family. Run away together. I … I could do it. Anna would look after Arendelle and we would be-"

"No." Kyra says. "This is _your_ place. Being the ruler of Arendelle. You're _good_ at it. And Anna would never forgive you for abandoning her." She pauses. "She needs you."

A tear is making its way down Kyra's cheek. A second one begins its descent. But Elsa doesn't reach for her.

"Then it's … the end?"

Kyra nods. "I … I think it has to be. I just … I don't see what else we can _do_."

She's biting her lip now. Snow mixes with the tears.

"OK," Elsa says even though it isn't but Kyra's right because if she can't leave Ludvig and Elsa can't leave Arendelle, what else is there to do? She tries to stand up straight, like her father taught her when she was young. "Good luck in the future." She hates the formality in her voice but what else can she say? What do you _do_ in a situation like this? "I … I hope you're happy with him."

"Thanks, Elsa." Kyra hesitates and then says, "Hug? For … goodbye?"

Elsa leans forwards and wraps her arms around Kyra. She inhales, trying to remember Kyra's smell, before they reluctantly let go.

Kyra grins her confident grin with a tinge of uneasiness, trying to blink away the last of the tears. "I'll … I'll see you at the next party. I'll be the one dancing with Ludvig."

Then she turns and walks away through the trees of the xyst before Elsa can make any kind of remark. Kyra always has been better than Elsa at breaking things off.

 **Yawp**

Outside, someone yelps.

She writes down yawp. Can be used as an alternative for yelp but can also refer to loud or coarse talking.

It helps. Writing down alternative words for things she sees and hears, or even thinks. It takes her mind off…

Divertissement. From the French for diversion or amusement. Usually used in relation to music.

It _is_ weird. People don't handle things like this in this way. They cry or eat too much food or complain to friends and family. But she only has Anna and Anna is busy with her daughter and Kristoff. Elsa doesn't want to burden her with this. So Elsa is…

Troglodytic. A cave dweller, or someone who lives alone and is eccentric.

Elsa is coping the best she can. And if that means thinking of alternate words to describe things so that she doesn't have to think about anything else then so be it. Of course, the reason this sticks in her head is because she knew that that path in the garden could be called a…

Crosscut. Can mean a shortcut by means of a path not usually taken.

She's seen Kyra once since then. Arm in arm with Viscount Ludvig. Elsa pretended to be reading something. Then she pretended to be ill because she couldn't face going to a meeting. Which she shouldn't do because who else is going to run the country? And if this is what she's chosen then she needs to do a damn good job. It needs to be better than…

Decamping. Departing from a camp, or just leaving quickly, in secrecy.

It needs to be worthwhile. Satisfying. She would say that it needs to make her happy but…

Melancholia. Depressed spirits. Comes from the Ancient Greek for black bile. May be an illness.

She's been here before. She's _fought_ this before. She will _not_ let Arendelle fall apart because of the Laukkanens, or because of the people themselves. She's fine. She will be fine. Never mind the concerned expressions on people's faces when they think she's not paying attention. Never mind Kedar Laukkanen's sympathetic smile when last she saw him. She has everything she wants or needs in her position and with Anna.

Mendacity. Having a tendency to lie.

She has _enough_. She has time. It will get better. It _has_ to get better. She just needs to not think about it. Yet.

 **Zonk**

She gets through the days by writing words and staying busy. Somehow, the days turn into weeks and soon the weeks turn into one month and then another month. That's not to say it's easy because it isn't – not at first. Suddenly there are evenings with nothing to do, rooms and spaces which contain ghosts of embraces and kisses, questions about what happened to Lady Laukkanen, gossip about why they've fallen out. There are false reassurances and lies burning on her tongue. It's also not to say that the pain goes away because it doesn't. Those evenings, the ghosts, the lies which burn on her tongue, they're still there. But they become easier to ignore.

Until one day, there is a festival in Arendelle which Elsa is expected to attend. She pastes on her best smile and hopes Anna, Kristoff and their little daughter, Lena, will be enough to turn attention away from her. Anna doesn't mind being used like this. She's spent several evenings over the last couple of months sitting with Elsa over cups of hot chocolate, letting Elsa talk and reassuring her, just as she did after the Great Thaw.

The plan works initially. Anna cheerfully answers endless questions about Princess Lena and whenever she thinks Elsa is getting frustrated, she starts answering for Elsa too. Elsa, for her part, feels calmed down by the mere presence of Anna and Lena (whom she privately thinks is easily the cutest baby she's ever seen), and starts to enjoy the day.

But then, following some ladies, comes a noble couple. Elsa freezes as soon as she sees Ludvig and Kyra, and wonders whether it would be undignified for her to run away. Kyra is obviously thinking the same thing because her expression is the one she wears when she realises she's done something rude and it might actually have a consequence.

Ludvig is completely oblivious to this, although he must be aware that Elsa and Kyra have not even spoken for the last two months. He bows and makes small talk, as Kyra and Elsa desperately avoid each other's eyes.

Does she kiss him, she wonders, and does he know that she's particularly sensitive on the back of her neck? Or that-

"Do you agree, your Majesty?"

She blinks. "Oh. Yes."

"Even with the part about the reindeer and the ballgowns?"

"Uh … you caught me. I'm sorry, my mind was somewhere else."

Ludvig smiles at her. He's not a tall man, and he's a bit thin compared to other men, but he's got a friendly smile. It would be a lot easier to hate him if he wasn't nice.

"You look like you might zonk out, your Majesty."

"I … what?"

"I mean you look tired, if you don't mind me saying, your Majesty."

Kyra speaks for the first time, in a slightly apologetic tone of voice. "Ludvig likes to use weird words, or make up his own, your Majesty. Zonk out is apparently slang for falling asleep."

Of course he's interested in words. Of course he'd do the sort of thing Elsa has spent two months doing to take her mind off the fact that he's betrothed to Kyra. Of course.

"Elsa," Kyra says quietly. "Your hands."

She looks at her hands. Ice is building up on her palms. It's not visible but Kyra knows when Elsa is about to make snow or ice.

That doesn't help.

She stuffs her hands behind her back. After a second, Kyra, locking eyes with her, puts her own hands behind her back.

Ludvig looks at them both. "You look like a bird, dear," he says to Kyra.

"It's comfortable though," Kyra says, still looking at Elsa. "Makes me feel regal."

After a couple of seconds, Ludvig says, "You know, I should say hello to the, er, person over there. I'll be right back."

Elsa wants to shout for him to come back but that falls into the category of things that are undignified for a queen to do. So she faces Kyra and wonders what she should do.

Kyra looks equally bemused. She hesitates before saying, "So, uh, how are you? Your Majesty."

"Good. I'm good. How are you, Lady Laukkanen?"

Kyra grimaces. "Good." She glances around before saying quietly, "He thinks we've argued but that we might forgive each other. He's trying to be nice." She pauses and then shakes her head. "That's not fair. The truth is … he suspects."

Her voice is so quiet that Elsa has to lean forwards. "He's not going to break the-"

She shakes her head. "I think he knows it's over. He's nice. Too nice."

"You could do worse than that."

"I know. But he's not ... you."

Elsa feels her throat tighten. "We … we shouldn't…"

"I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I just … I sometimes wish … if everything hadn't happened, then we would have been … we spoke, at least. Before."

"I know," Elsa says. "But it did and I don't know that we can pretend it didn't." But then, even though she shouldn't, she shouldn't, she really shouldn't, she says, "But it doesn't mean I've stopped…"

Kyra's breath hitches and her eyes widen. She looks at Ludvig and then at her. "I … if … if ever you want a breath of air at a party, I'll … you can still find me, OK? It wouldn't have to be … _us_. It could just be … us. If only for a short time."

She glances at Ludvig. "Even now?"

"He can't dance with me all evening and I … I miss you. I see things or hear things and I want to tell you about them but then I remember I can't and I _hate_ that I can't just because… Well." She sighs and for a split second, she almost seems to sag. But then she smiles slightly. "Besides, _someone_ made up certain Frentish customs for me. I can't touch unmarried people, remember? That's your fault so it's only fair that you keep me entertained."

Elsa laughs despite herself. Kyra does too and for a few seconds, it's just like before. Then they both look around guiltily.

"I should check on my sister," Elsa says, a little uneasily.

"And I should rescue that person from Ludvig. So I … maybe I'll see you."

"Maybe," Elsa says. She smiles suddenly. "You can take your hands from behind your back, you know."

Kyra only grins her grin, equal amounts confident and uneasy, before turning and walking away with her hands still behind her back. Elsa watches her go.

A few seconds later, Anna appears beside her, rubbing her back and leading her somewhere quiet. Kristoff has Lena.

Once they're alone, Anna says, "You OK? I saw you and…"

"I … I don't know," Elsa says. The encounter was weird and awkward and yes, painful. But she got through it and that must mean something. "It was nice to see her but it … I don't know if she just wants to be friends again or something more but … but we can't. It's over. It has to _be_ over. And I _want_ to still see her and talk to her and hug her anyway but … but how do we do that without … everything? How do we … forget?"

Anna nods. "I know," she says. "I know."

They don't speak for a few minutes. Elsa thinks of Kyra's words, about Ludvig and balconies. How he suspects but still let them talk. And how maybe relationships like theirs won't be legal in her lifetime, but it has to start somewhere, and already she's spoken to people who don't think it's as bad as everyone tells her it is so maybe things _will_ change. But not for them. It can't. Not now that they've made their decisions. That's how their story ends. That's how the alphabet _ends_. And the easiest thing for _her_ would be-

"Anna," Elsa says quietly. "Do you think you can ever stop loving someone?"

"No," Anna says instantly. "Not really. You might be able to live without them but there's always gonna be something you love about them, you know? Even Hans…" She trails off but when Elsa looks at her, she only smiles her bright smile. "Some people learn to live without, I think. It probably depends on how much they loved the other person." She peers at Elsa. "You _loved_ her, didn't you? Heart, body and soul."

There are many things she could say to that but she just says, "Yes."

Anna considers this. "Then maybe Kyra's right."

"What?"

"You said once that Kyra said falling in love is as easy as ABC but that yours needed all the letters. That's why you think you can't, I dunno, try again, right?"

"Yes. Sort of. It's not because of the alpha-"

"Well, I was thinking: people also say that some things are as easy as one, two, three, right?"

"I suppose so..."

"So if stories could be as easy as one, two, three _or_ ABC, who's to say that all stories are alphabet stories? Couldn't some be, I dunno, _number_ stories? Where you go through numbers and not letters?"

"I … well, it wasn't exactly _literal_ , I guess but … yes, I suppose some could be number stories on that logic. I don't see what this has to do with me and Kyra though."

"'Cause if your and Kyra's story is an alphabet story then, since the alphabet only has twenty-six letters it's the end of the story when you get to Z. That's how you're thinking about it, right?"

"Well, yes. Sort of."

" _But_ if your story was a _number_ story, it wouldn't necessarily end here, would it? It could go on anywhere you wanted it to go on to, for as long as you wanted it to go on for. After all," she says and grins. "Numbers are infinite, you know."

 _ **Interval IV – Postscript**_

 _The music softens as she closes the door behind her._

 _Kyra is looking out over the gardens of this building. Elsa could leave without her noticing and maybe she should. Forget what Anna said and forget everything she felt when she spoke to Kyra. Just let this alphabet story end and find a new one to lose herself in. If there ever is a new one._

 _But then Kyra turns and there's no turning back now. She doubts that she would have. She learnt long ago what happens if you try to run away from everything you love._

" _Elsa?"_

" _Yes. Um, hi." Elsa coughs. "I, uh, I brought krumkake." She holds out her hand. "Want some?"_

 _Kyra slowly grins._

" _I'd love some."_

 _ **Fin**_


End file.
